Hey you!

Hey you!

Yes, you.

While I may not know you, or I may have known you for many years. I have something important to tell you.

Come close.

Are you listening?

I

love

you!

Isn't that cool?

But it's even more than that.

God

loves

you!

He created you! He redeemed you! He's by your side! He loves you!

But there's even more.

You have talent!

We all do! There's something that God has created us to do, something deep inside of us that makes us whole, makes us full!

There's another thing.

You are beautiful.

You may not like parts of your body. Your nose may have been broken and now it looks crooked. Who cares? You're you. You're the most beautiful you that you can be.

One last thing.

You are special.

You're the only you on the planet. Sure, there may be others that share your name, but you're distinct in your DNA, your experiences, likes, dislikes, everything!

So, to sum up:

I love you, God loves you, you have talent, you are beautiful and you are special.

Now. What are you going to do with those things?

I am choosing to spread them to the world. Find one person today and say these things to them.

Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor

 So today, Reformation Sunday in the Lutheran church, I played Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor. This is 9+ minutes of ongoing busyness. I spent about 2 months in focused practice to prepare for today.

 Why this piece? There are a couple of reasons. First, Bach was a Lutheran church musician. So it's quite fitting to tie in to Reformation Sunday. Second, I had been feebly "attempting" to learn this piece since college. That consisted of trying to play the piece, failing miserably, and giving up. Another 6-8 months go by, and repeat. A year goes by and repeat. Third, it's the week of Halloween. The Toccata and Fugue have been corrupted as "Halloween music". It's not. It's one of Bach's top compositions, at least in my mind.

 Why this particular day? Obviously the reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but there's much more. I've been "reforming" my attitude toward playing the organ, and this Sunday seemed to be the best culmination of that. I had become great at listening to the negative voices, whether real, perceived or in my head over the past few years, and had not challenged myself to play new pieces. If I did, I stuck to hymn improvisations by composers I knew and liked. I mean, really, I've been playing the organ for worship services for 20 years. Do I really need to learn new music?

YES I DO!

Why?

I've been given a talent from God. It's sinful if I don't use it and work on it to be better.

It's my job. I am paid to be a professional musician, and if I don't take pride in myself and my abilities (given by God), that reflects in my "professionalism".

It's actually fun to take on a challenge and work at it, see improvement, and build on that.

It makes things easier overall. As I was working on the variations on "Holy God We Praise Your Name" for last Sunday, as well as this piece, I noticed that my overall musicianship seemed to fall into place like it used to. Why? I was paying attention to details. I was working on skills that I had been neglected for a while now.



So? How did it go?

I played it as my prelude for both worship services. It wasn't perfect. I didn't expect it to be. It didn't bomb either! In fact, those spots that had given me the most trouble throughout the years, those reasons why I quit working on it from time to time, went as smooth as one could expect. I even received applause after playing it for the 10:45 service! That was totally shocking! Overall, the hard work put in reaped rewards. Now, I could puff up my chest and say, "Look at how good I am! All my hard work paid off." Me. Me. Me. It's not about me. It's about God. He's the giver of the gift. For far too long, I have neglected that gift. And just a couple of months of focused effort have led to some positive changes. I'm excited about what's next.


So? What is next?

I'm going to be doing an organ/piano/vocal concert on December 8th. That will be really fun. I've got some fun Advent/Christmas pieces I'm working on, religious and lightly irreligious. As for what challenge I may take on next, I'm either leaning toward a Buxtehude piece, to work my fingers some more, or some romantic period organ music, as that fits the organ I play. And because it's far from my first choice in organ repertoire.


No matter what the task, it can be accomplished. It may take a lot of focused effort, or it may take time, but it can be accomplished. Whether it's music, or any other task, it can be accomplished. And I thank God for reminding me of this truth.

I'm stuck?

    My almost 2 year old daughter Emily likes to say, "I'm stuck" a lot lately. In reality, she's not quite stuck. She may need a boost on whatever she's climbing, or her chair scooted a little farther back so she can continue to get down. But she's not really stuck.

    I've been feeling a lot like Emily lately.

    I've felt stuck.

    I feel like I'm making progress in getting healthier, challenging myself to be a better musician through practice, composing music.

    But I feel stuck.

    Why?

    As I was pondering this, the answer came to me quite quickly. When you've been as lazy as I have, not expected much of yourself, built bad habits, and quit every time a small challenge came up, it's easy to understand why I'm feeling stuck.


     My habits and expectations of myself are changing.

     I'm expecting more of myself.

     But the challenges are still there.

     The fear of quitting is still there.

     The fear of falling back into those traps of "good enough" are there

     But I'm not giving in. Just like with Emily, she needs a refocus on the bigger picture, that she's not really stuck, I need this as well. How does this happen? Encouragement from God. Encouragement from others. Digging deeper and pushing through.

     I will find creative solutions to the decreasing numbers participating in the music ministry I am called to lead.

     I will challenge myself to be a better organist and musician, putting in the time needed to prepare and practice.

    I will compose music that is challenging, beautiful and will connect those singing and playing it to God.

    I will find ways to get my name and my music out there, to connect with people on a greater scale.

    How all of this works out, time will tell. But I'm not stuck. And I'm not going to allow myself to think that. Challenged, absolutely. Stuck? No way.

Captured by The Digital Age

               Starting today, I am going to take each Friday and pick a song and share it as well as some thoughts about the song. Because I get to see these guys play live tonight, along with Bellarive and my good friend Matt Adler, I thought I'd start with "Captured" by The Digital Age.

Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG9K0lUDwI0

And the lyrics:

Love, You've captured me again
Love, You steal my heart

And oh when I reach out
You're always there
You've captured me again
Oh God
You steal my heart
And oh when I reach out
You're always there

Cause love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love
Hey!

Love, You've captured me again
Oh my God
You steal my heart
And oh when I cry out
You're always there

Cause love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love

Your love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love

I've never felt more found
Than when I'm lost in you
My head may spin around
Like the stars of the night sky do

Your love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love
 

 This song is one of my favorites, and a favorite in my house because of the video. My 4 and a half year old and almost 2 year old daughters love this song and the video. But there's more to the song than an absolutely fun video, created by the band and their fans. 

 The Digital Age is the continuation of The David Crowder Band, minus David Crowder and Mike Hogan. These guys are making some great music, and have a great "debut" album. But this song was the first I heard, and the first that caught me, and continues to get me.

 Many of us in the church focus on the rules and regulations, the should and should not. And there is a place for the rules and regulations. But stop for a second. Be still. Be quiet. Think about this. God loves you no matter what. God created you in His image, He redeemed you when you were His enemy. He forgives you EVERY TIME you repent. No questions asked. So....how do you feel when you think about that? I'm overwhelmed. I'm joyful. I'm exuberant. And that is where the heart of this song comes in.

 The song is upbeat and joyful, and the lyrics reflect that. And of course, the video does too. God has captured us with His love. God is with us at all times and hears us when we cry out. There is rescue and freedom in God's love. And as Christ followers, we are called to share this good news. Why not do it in a joyful manner?

 So, today and every day, let's go out and share the news that God's love is joyful, refreshing, and captures us in an amazing and powerful way!

Thank you, Jon Acuff

 Jon Acuff is an amazing guy. No, I haven't personally met him, although I'd love to. Through interviews and reading his book "Start" and being a part of his Facebook "Start Experiment", though, I feel like I have an insight into him. Start has changed my life. I e-mailed him and told him that, and received a response. But it's not just the book. The book was a paradigm shift, an "aha" moment for me. What has benefited me most has been the encouragement in the shots in the arm from the "Start Experiment" folks. You see, I saw a vague Facebook post from Jon about going on an adventure. I jumped in. Little did I know that my life would be transformed.

 I've always wanted to write music, but was paralyzed by fear. Why? I'm a musician. The competing with others, feelings of inadequacy, and much more held me back. So, with encouragement from folks, I've put myself out there. But, here's the funny part. Along the way, that scope and direction has changed. Through conversations with others, I'm looking at much, much more. Whether that's teaching lessons online, writing an ebook about how to teach piano lessons, putting together videos about choirs, handbells, praise bands, and other things, writing and recording music for podcasts and other needs, all doors are open. And I'm floored. None of these ideas were things that I would have thought of myself, but in conversations with people, they saw these things in me, and encouraged me to consider them.

 So what does all of this look like? Well, a whole lot of work. Which is a great thing. Deep down, I've known that I'm capable, just didn't believe in myself, or feel like I really could. Getting encouragement has been that spark to push me into doing it. Right now, it's dreaming big and figuring out what I can do. I'm working on redesigning my website and figuring out what needs to be on it. I'm figuring out what I can make videos of to teach, utilizing my experiences and knowledge to help others. I'm figuring out how to write an ebook, and put my experience in figuring out how to teach music lessons to better help others.

 This is all crazy, big, and way out there (in my mind), but it has the potential to be an absolutely amazing adventure. Because of Jon Acuff, his book "Start" and the "Start Experiment" on Facebook, my life is changed. And I thank you, Jon Acuff. You may or may not read this, but my life has been changed because of what you've done.

Thank you.

Good.....Better......Best?

 Growing up, my paternal grandmother had a saying that she would regularly share with me, and my parents tormented me by repeating it over and over again. "Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until the good is better and the better is best." Now, I do have admit that this saying is much better than the other one that my parents repeated to me, "Practice makes perfect", but both sayings drove me up the wall.

 Yet now, as an adult, I realize how important this saying is. If we are good at doing something, wonderful. How do we get better at doing it? If we get better at doing it, that's great. But how do we get even better at doing it? It's that ongoing bettering that along the way, I lost sight of.

 I stopped challenging myself to be better.

 I started settling for "good enough".

 I allowed circumstances and expectations of others to define me.


 Over the past few months, I've noticed this change in me. It hasn't been a slight change at all. It's a return to this mindset. How do I take the things that I'm good at, and I do make them better? But to not stop at making them better, how can I make them be the best they can be? This has been a challenging process on many, many, many fronts, but I see progress.

 For the next two Sundays, I am challenging myself to play one major piece on the organ for worship each Sunday that I have never played in public before. This is very scary, and I have already put in lots of work. But, I am learning to not make excuses and put in the work. The past 3 Sundays, I have played music on the organ that I challenged myself to do, and put in the work. I didn't receive much in the way of feedback, and that's fine with me. I noticed the difference. I knew how much work I put in to be the best that I could be. Could I have done better? Probably. But, that's the process of taking the good, making it better, and making it be the best it can be. And I thank God for the reminders to be faithful with the talents that He has given me.

Crazy thoughts...

 I'm pondering some really crazy and big thoughts. No, not anything like what you're thinking. Over the past couple of months, I've taken some pretty crazy and big steps already in putting myself out there as a composer and making my music available for purchase and use. What I had hoped to do initially was to connect with smaller churches, and compose music for their specific needs. That's still my intent, but it's shifting even more.

 I was asked to compose a theme for a weekly video series. I did that, and it premiers Monday! I'm super excited about that. But why couldn't I branch out to that? Another thing that was suggested to me was to make teaching videos for people to purchase and use. Whether that's for a church choir, praise team, handbells, or anything else. That's something that I had been thinking about farther down the road, yet because of the suggestion, it's come to the forefront of my mind.

 But, the question in my mind is simple. Am I trying to do too much? The flip side of that in my mind is, has God given me this diverse knowledge on different subjects and the desire to share about them to be able to do this?

 It seems, as I have been journeying down this road over the past couple of months, doors have opened. Doors that I did not expect to open. Yet, here they are. So, why couldn't these be doors to be opened? Maybe I'm supposed to be doing more with technology and teaching via Skype. Maybe I'm supposed to be writing some ideas about choirs or praise teams, or some combination of them all. I don't know. It's all been this big rush of "what ifs" that keep coming through my head. So, they're big thoughts, and maybe they're impossible. Maybe they're not. I will keep praying, and getting input from others.

Practice makes........

 Over the past month plus, I have spent more time in practice on the organ than I have in many years. You may be asking, "But Craig, you're an organist. Don't you practice?" Not enough. I enjoy playing the organ, and have always enjoyed it, but it really hadn't been my passion for a long time. In my mind, if there were one or two areas that I could focus in on in what I do, it would be contemporary music and handbells. Recently, a few issues came up with my church's praise team, some of it was my doing, some of it wasn't, and because of it, I have chosen to step back in that area. It saddens me that an area that I love, am very passionate about and spent much time and energy learning and developing is now out of my hands.

 In stepping back from this, I realized that I could only control what I could control. The praise team issue was out of my control. What I could control was the groups in front of me, and more specifically, myself as a musician. I have spent more time focused on pouring into others and encouraging them to be better, that I neglected myself. Sure, I did just enough to be passable, but not the best I could be. And most certainly not challenging myself to be better. I did what I do best. I made excuses. "The organ isn't what I want it to be. The congregation accepts and compliments my "good enough". If there isn't an expectation of more, why should I waste my time?"

 I quickly realized in reading Jon Acuff's book "Start" and being a part of his Facebook "Start Experiment" that this was the worst possible thinking. I'm capable of much, much, much more, and the only thing holding myself back is.......yep, you guessed it. Me. So, I've challenged myself, and over the past month already, there's been much improvement in my playing. I'm looking ahead to the next two months of pieces that I have challenged myself to play, and even am strongly considering a Christmas organ concert.

 It's a lesson we all know, whatever field we're in. God has given us talents and abilities. And that only goes so far. What do we do with them? Do we challenge ourselves to build and develop them? Do we practice them? Or are we comfortable with "good enough"? I'm tired of "good enough". I want to be the best I can be. Not because it makes me look special. No matter how much practice I do, I'll still make mistakes. But, God has given me a gift to play music, and I need to be the best steward that I can with it. I haven't in the past, but I have learned those lessons and choose to be better. I choose to be the best that I can be.

Using words

I wrote a devotion for an awesome ministry that my wife, as well as my congregation is a part of here in San Antonio, LINC, and it was based on the story of the ten lepers. We've all heard it many times, but my focus was on the aspect of words. I hope it blesses you.

“When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.” Luke 17:14

            Words have power, don’t they? Three words put together, “I love you” have much meaning coming from a parent to a child, spouse to spouse. Conversely, “I hate you” takes on just as much meaning in a negative sense. There is much power that comes from words spoken out of love, words spoken out of hate and words spoken out of anger.

            Another phrase that has power, whether coming from God, another person we’re in relationship, be it a spouse, child, coworker, parent, or anyone else, we hear, “I forgive you”. We will sin, there’s no denying that. When we realize that we have sinned and caused hurt, we apologize, and whether it comes from God, or another person, those words, “I forgive you” brings healing and restoration.

In today’s Gospel, the parable of the ten lepers, we hear the lepers using words to call out to Jesus. “Jesus, Master, have pity on us” (vs. 13b), they call out. These men were no strangers to hearing words. Whenever people came close to them, they had to call out “unclean, unclean” because of their leprosy. And probably, they heard the insults and taunts from the mouths of others. They knew enough about Jesus and His power to heal.

In the story of the healing, Jesus could have performed a major sign to show His power. He did this in raising the dead, healing others who were sick, feeding over 5,000 and with many other signs. Jesus chooses to not use His physical power through touch or a sign, but He uses words. “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” That was policy, according to the law. To be ceremonially clean, the priests had to declare that they were clean. Whether it was out of faith or desperation, or something else, all ten went to the priests to show themselves.

After all ten are cleansed, nine of them go their own way. But one, a Samaritan, returns to Jesus. He goes to Jesus and praises God. Essentially, he is thanking Jesus for healing Him. Once again, he uses those words of praise, words of thanks to rejoice in his healing. And Jesus tells the man, “Rise and go, your faith has made you well.”

There are many takeaways from this story.  If Jesus specifically says that the Samaritan’s faith has made him clean, what was it about the other nine that led to their cleansing? Was it Jesus’ point to make that in cleansing all, the foreigner, or outsider, responds with thanks and praise? It could be. After the other nine are cleansed, they leave the story. The Samaritan continues and is blessed by Jesus.

What does this story say to us today? God uses little things, things that sometimes seem insignificant to us in our busy, hectic lives, to cause change. Most of the time there is no flash of lightning, no smoke and loud noises. But yet we are changed. How does this happen? Through interactions with others, through hearing God’s forgiveness and also in receiving the forgiveness given to us in Jesus’ body and blood, broken and shed to take away our sins. We receive insights into our relationship with God in our private and corporate worship times, reading His Word, and many, many other ways. Do we always see those things at work? For many of us, the answer to that question is no. We make small changes over time, or we are so busy to really even notice them, yet they are there. For these ten lepers, Scripture tells us that they were healed on their way to see the priests. Something significant changed about them.

For us, even if we notice those changes, do we always acknowledge where those changes came from? “I lost weight”, “I quit smoking”, or “I turned away from drugs” may just be a few things that we say. In those statements, who is making the change? We say that we are. This is impossible, as on our own, we are powerless. God is the giver of life; God is the giver of transformation in our lives. The only way that all ten lepers were healed was that Jesus had to impact their live. In this case, He impacts their life through telling them to go see the priests. In our lives today, it is through our baptism, receiving forgiveness of sins, reading and hearing God’s Word and the exposition of it in our corporate gatherings that God comes to us and changes us.  In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Finally, after acknowledging where the changes and transformation comes from, comes the response. The Samaritan realized through the eyes of faith that Jesus was the one who healed him. He returns and praises God and rejoices. As we acknowledge the transformations in our life, do we always give honor and glory to God? Maybe we are regular church goers, and we are active in the worship life of the church, and we give our offering and maybe we are active in ministry activities of the church. But are we truly, each and every moment of every day, rejoicing in the transformation that God has made in our lives?

John Newton was a slave owner in the 1700’s who had his life radically transformed by God. He is the author of the hymn “Amazing Grace”, a somewhat autobiographical testament to the transforming power of God’s grace.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

We all were wretches who were lost and blind on the journey of life. But through Jesus Christ and His amazing grace, we are found, we see, we are forgiven and restored. We can go out into the world, and show everyone around us the amazing, healing, transformative power of God, rejoicing in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love, as well as showing that to the world.

Lord, we thank You for your forgiveness and healing that You gave to the ten lepers, as well as to us. We ask You to help us to see those changes that You bring about in our lives, transforming and restoring us. Help us to share those changes, restoration and grace to the world around us, making an impact for You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A life-changing day....or at least a step in that direction.

 Today was amazing. If you asked me how I thought the day would go at 3:40, I wouldn't have said it would be too amazing. You see, my 4 year old had thrown up a few times from about 9:50 on, and 3:40 was the last time she threw up....in our bed. So, she slept on the couch, I sat in the recliner, and I thought and prayed about a lot of things.

 Over the past few months, I have made changes in my life. I've lost weight, I've started to change habits of laziness that were ingrained in me for most of my life. But for the last couple of weeks, I've felt frustrated. A lot of it was because of my attitude, but a lot of it is some real struggles and questions I've been wrestling with.

 Since I was 5, I've played the piano. I've always sang, and always loved music. I was probably about 4 when I made up my first song. "Try God". The inspiration came from a pin I had. "Try God, try God, you'll like Him." Yeah. Real deep. But I've messed around with making up my own music, but didn't really have teachers that encouraged me to. Just play the music on the page. When I got to high school, my choir director asked me if I read chords. My response? What are chords? Once I learned how to read chords and play based on the chord symbols, my musical life changed. This new dimension and world opened up to me. But still, I didn't really feel the push or encouragement to compose music. In college I did, but I compared myself to others, and gave up quickly when things got challenging, a habit that I'm working on breaking.

 Fast forward to 3 months ago. I really felt this tug to write more. Why? I don't know. But, I wrote some things that I had in my head, and shared them and got positive feedback! I continued to work more and more, and create things that I'm extremely proud of. I've shared my recent work with others who I respect, and who know the publishing world, and I got some great feedback and encouragement.

 But then comes today. I received 2 challenging and changing Facebook messages. One was from a gentleman who has written handbell solos, but doesn't know how to write piano accompaniments, and asked for my help. The other was from the director of the Philadelphia Bronze Handbell Ensemble. They're a community group in Philadelphia. They're doing music that is based on colors and she was wanting something with red in the title. Umm....WHAT? YOU WANT ME? Wow! Talk about an exciting opportunity! It may be an arrangement of a song (my suggestion is Red, Red Wine by UB40) or my own composition. But it needs to be a level 4-5 (really challenging) piece. Due by January. Can I do it? Absolutely! But there are voices of doubt. There always are. But I am surrounded by this amazing network of encouragers and I know that I will get something together that will be amazing.

 But wait....there's more! Remember my day started at 3:40? Yeah, I haven't. I'm still feeling it. In the past, when I didn't get a good night's sleep, or was pretty worn out, I would be extremely unproductive. In changing habits, I worked my tail off today picking up, cleaning up, doing laundry, doing dishes. I'm not saying this to toot my horn. It's something that I wouldn't have done in the past, but in trying to change my mindset and thanks to being challenged by my awesome coach Liz Clark, I want to be awesome in every way I can, not just average. An average Craig would have just rested, done nothing. But an awesome Craig did a whole lot around the house, put his family first, and is ready to go to bed!! :-)

 Today has been a great day. It may not be exactly A life-changing day, but it's a step in that direction. And every day that goes another step in being the best husband, father, friend, musician, servant, leader that I can be, that's life-changing. Every day that I eat the right things and exercise, that's turning around all of those years of self-centered neglect of my body. I'm on my way to awesome. Do you want to join? 

Fear rides again....

Today was a day for fear to rear its ugly head in my life. Why? I don't know. Just overall questions in my head of what exactly the point is to challenge myself to write music, upload it to my website for people to purchase if people don't want to even look at my website?

In my head I heard:  "Come on, you're not good enough". "You don't know enough people". "You could give your music away and people wouldn't want it". I know that it was fear speaking. It was the fear that had held me back for so long. It was the fear that kept me from writing music because it told me I wasn't good enough for publishers to even want to consider, and there was no way I could self-publish because I'm not that talented at marketing, or know enough people.

And then to top it off, a few other things have happened recently to make me question if my thinking of myself as an church musician who loves organ music just as much as contemporary music is me being who I am or trying to be someone I'm not. Doors have been closing left and right for my involvement in the contemporary setting, so it's leading me to reflect a bit and ask if I'm better off spending my time focused where I am, or refocusing. I don't think that's a bad thing to do from time to time, and it looks like I'm there at this point.

 So I'm left tonight asking a whole lot of questions that I have no answers to at the moment. And I'm OK with that. I normally live in that space. But, the best part in all of this is that I know and can point to those voices and say, "You can have your say. But I'm not listening to you. I'm better than what you're telling me, and I trust that God will guide and direct me to do what He wants me to do, so you can just BE QUIET!" And that's what I'm doing tonight.

Here We Go!

It seems like my new dream is starting to crystallize. I love what I do as a full-time church music director. And I am blessed to be in the congregation I am currently in. However, I love teaching music lessons and I love writing music. What my new dream consists of is really focusing in on bettering myself as a composer/arranger, and building up my teaching, so that I am able to tithe much of my salary back to the ministry of the church. Bold and ambitious? Absolutely!

 One of the key steps is over the next few months, putting an extra intentional focus and effort to daily (and a majority of Fridays) work on composing and arranging music and uploading it to my website. Along with that, figuring out marketing strategies to reach more people and get a larger audience for my music and for my lessons in NE San Antonio.

 Does that mean I want to give up what I'm doing? Absolutely not. I believe that all 3 can work concurrently and overlap to make me a better musician.

 What does this look like? I have no clue. Is it scary? Absolutely. Will people be interested? Maybe. But what I do know is going down this path at worst helps to better me as a musician, and at best financially benefits my church, my family as well as bettering me as a musician. I appreciate your feedback, input and thoughts.

Making strides

 I finally uploaded an actual new composition to my website. I've spent a good amount of time on it. Actually, I can't really say that. It actually flowed better and quicker than anything else I've ever done. And it floored me. You see, I have this list of old hymn tunes I want to rewrite. But I had this melody for the hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" going through my head. And I thought, there's NO WAY I can do anything with that. It's like taking Amazing Grace and writing a new melody. SACRILEGIOUS!!! But, I couldn't get this thing out of my head. So I wrote it. I sang it for people. I even uploaded it to Noisetrade. And I got positive feedback. So, we sang it for worship. Again, positive feedback. So then my brain started spinning about how to write it as a choral piece. This is taking on multiple fears at once. Writing 4 part music, AND piano accompaniments. But, as I sat down to write it, it all came together. As I sat down to write the accompaniment, something beautiful came out. This is something I'm quite proud of. A huge stride.

 I am working on trying to promote my website and get people interested in having me write music for them. I did a contest for my birthday to give away a composition, and the winner wants a piece written for a handbell quartet and piano. I've also had an inquiry about a composition for a 3 octave choir and bell tree. So, I've got lots of challenges on the way. I've still got my list of ideas to work on, so there's no shortage of things to do and ideas floating in my head. And now I am finally getting into a routine, so I feel like I'm starting to make headway into what I want to do. I just seem to be stuck on how to get the word out.

 Finally, health-wise, I'm down 9 pounds in 2 and a half weeks. I haven't been walking as much as I should, but I think it's supposed to be cooling down, so I think that desire will be taking off. I also now have a mountain bike, so that should help. It's something I've been wanting for a few years.

 I have to say that I'm amazed at the changes I've made in my life since July. Many times, it doesn't feel like major accomplishments that I should be patting myself on the back for, but going from minimal effort, to something is really a lot. I'm trying to not get discouraged, get frustrated and give up as I have so often in the past. And it feels different this time. I don't know if it's because I've tried so often and failed, and finally have realized that to make a lasting and impactful change and to do the things I WANT to be doing musically, I need to get some gumption, roll up my sleeves, get to work, and not give up. Or maybe it's maturity. At age 36, I sure hope so!!

Sacrifice

 My pastor preached about sacrifice yesterday. Sacrifice is tough. Sometimes you feel like you're losing out on something and maybe you are, and maybe you aren't. For the longest time I've struggled with sacrificing of time. And recently, as my daughters are getting older and busier, I'm thinking about it even more. And the conclusion I've come to is this: If I put my full and total effort into what I'm doing when I'm not around my girls, then I am not sacrificing time away from them, I am doing my best so that when I am with them, I can give them my full time and attention. This is a recent revelation that I've had in my quiet time and prayer time.

  I've regularly beat myself up over the time spent doing things. Doing the wrong things and doing the right things. In my new schedule starting today, I am attempting to balance that time as best as I can. Heading into this schedule, I feel like I am going to be able to handle it better than I have in the past. Will that happen? Only time will tell. You see, Sunday through Thursday, the majority of my focus is on my job. Friday and Saturday, the majority of my focus is on my family. There will be overlap, as there should be, but I know that when it gets to Friday and Saturday, if I've done my work and planning and preparation throughout the week as well as I possibly can, then I can focus on my family primarily those two days.

 I've recently had more than a few conversations with people in regards to time management between ministry and family, music writing, ministry and family and music writing and family. In all of these conversations, I've come across with one main takeaway. You have to do what fits you. You have to figure out through trial and error how best you function, how best you work, then do it. I've had many trials and errors, and I'm sure I'll have more, but I feel like I am starting to get a handle as to how to best function and balance with a wife, 2 daughters, the pulls of a full-time church music ministry, 13 private lessons, and trying to write music to better myself and bless the church. It will be messy, it will call for sacrifice, but I think I'm ready.

An amazing week!

 This week, I took a huge step with my music writing. And I didn't even write any music. I had this realization on Wednesday that, hey, I have a website and a Facebook page, but what really is the point of doing anything with them if I'm getting no to minimal traffic each week? So I put myself out there.

 I shared a post about what I'm doing in a post on my Facebook page, and then shared it in a Facebook handbell group that I'm in, as well as a group of amazing people put together by Jon Acuff in his Start experiment.

 And then amazing hit.

 THIRTY-TWO visitors to my website on Wednesday alone.

 On Wednesday morning, I had 55 likes of my Facebook page. By the end of Wednesday, I was up to 84 likes.

But it didn't stop there.

I had a few more visitors to my website yesterday, and 9 more likes on Facebook.

So, this morning, I started with 93 likes on Facebook. So, I put it out there to get to 100. Yeah, I'm now at 108.

In all of this, I am humbled. I am honored. I am surprised.

But wait.....there's more. In all of this putting myself out there, I had a girl I went to high school with ask me about organ arrangements of contemporary music. And the brain started spinning. There's a few published by one publisher, but they're pretty much the greatest hits of the 80's and early 90's. Maybe there's a market for this....so I started thinking through some ideas. I love organ music and I love contemporary music. I know I'm very, very, very odd in this regard. So, maybe that's an opportunity!

Finally, this morning, I had coffee with an awesome friend, Matt Adler (download his new EP "The Sound". It's amazing), and we had a great chat. He was so encouraging to me, and is a totally awesome friend, and I appreciate him.

So where does all of this go? I have no clue. I keep putting myself out there, ask for input, ask for responses, and write, write, write. Where it goes, only God knows and only God will lead. I'm just amazed by the journey.

Let's party!

 Let me first say, I enjoy being a Lutheran. I believe that Martin Luther focused on pulling out the truths of Scripture that the Catholic church was missing at the time. Being focused on faith alone, Scripture alone and grace alone, we are saved. But one thing that I've always struggled with in being a Lutheran is that one thing is very much missing in our gatherings at times, and our worship. Emotion.

 Today, Jon Acuff, a writer who I admire and respect, wrote this blog on cnn.com. http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2013/08/24/should-christianity-be-so-boring/ In summary, he's talking about the story of the Prodigal Son and how God throws a party for a son who wishes him dead. This parable always gets me. The father is God, and the son is me. Through my sins, I pretty much say to God, "I don't want you around". Yet, He's always there, quick to love, quick to forgive, quick to rejoice when I return home.

 But yet, I can also be that older son that says, "Hey dad, I did all that you wanted me to. Where's my party?" He didn't get it. And many times, I don't either. I'd rather see us in the church be like the father, quick to throw a party when someone repents, as opposed to questioning their motivations, whether they're truly repentant of THAT sin, or being judgmental overall. God accepts us for who we are when we repent. He doesn't put conditions on it. We as His visible body here on earth need to be showing that more often.

 Wouldn't it be cool, as Jon said in his blog, to hear an Atheist say, "I don't believe in God, but His people really know how to party, as well as love and care for others"? I think that would be amazing. I hope and pray we have this mindset.

Evaluations....

 Evaluations can be good, insightful, challenging, reflective, whatever word you want to use. I've had evaluations that have led to some soul searching, I've had evaluations that felt more like unnecessary "attaboys" when I knew deep down that I wasn't giving my best, or didn't deserve the kudos. I've had evaluations where I didn't feel evaluated.

 Last night, I was given a task by the chair of our board of elders (basically, the board that supervises me). They want to do an evaluation of me and my pastor at their meeting on September 3rd. OK, I can do that. But, here's the twist. I was asked to write the questions for the evaluation. Cool! Well....maybe not. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be when I sat down this morning to write them. I have spent a good period of time over the summer in personal reflection and evaluation over the music ministry I am tasked to lead, things that have gone well and not so well. I am very blessed to serve at a congregation of 400 members with a very vibrant and thriving music ministry.

Here's my questions
1. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the musicianship of the Music Director
2. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the desire of the Music Director to improve on musical skills, and do you see improvement.
3. How has the Music Director shared the church's vision?
4. What is/are the Music Director's biggest strength(s)
5. What is/are the Music Director's biggest weakness(es)?
6. How can the Music Director better communicate to the board of elders as well as the congregation?
7. Do you feel that the Music Director is approachable and will listen to suggestions/critique?
8. What area should the Music Director focus on more for the upcoming year?
9. What area should the Music Director focus on less for the upcoming year?
10. Do you see congregational support and encouragement for the Music Director? If so, cite examples of how this is the case. If not, what steps could the Music Director and board of elders take to increase that support and encouragement?


There are specific reasons for these questions.

1 and 2 tie together. I know that I have not committed as fully to my musicianship as I should. I can make excuses, rationalize and explain, but the facts are the facts. I have not bettered my personal skills as a director, pianist, organist, vocalists.....not one bit. I've accepted "good enough". It will be interesting to hear feedback from others on this.

For #3, I feel that I have been encouraging the music ministry to focus on outreach (part of our mission statement), but it has been met with some struggles, not only from participants in music ministry, but also from the congregation. Part of it relates to my attitude and communication of it, but it is a radical concept. Again, feedback will be beneficial.

#4 and #5 are fairly obvious. I think I know what my strengths and weaknesses are, but getting a different opinion will be beneficial.

#6 is one I would say is a weakness, but I'm sure most everyone struggles with this. How to communicate clearly and effectively is always a challenge.

#7 is something that has come up in the past. Part of it has been my attitude and approach, and I have tried to take steps to do things differently, but when it comes to worship, one of the struggles is that you cannot please everyone, no matter how hard you try. Feedback will be interesting.

#8 and #9 will also be good for feedback. Not quite sure what I will receive, but I am looking forward to hearing it.

#10 has been a challenge for me. Do I feel supported and encouraged? Yes and no. Obviously, negative and critical comments and feedback does not lead to feeling supported and encouraged. For the most part, I do feel like that congregation supports me, but it will be interesting to get feedback.


Overall, it was a positive process, and I prayerfully await what I will receive in feedback.

Routine one week in...

 Well, if you look, the last post was 8 days ago. It was about a new attempt at a routine. Looking over the past week, routine in my life seems to be one of the most unroutine things possible. But in trying to be more disciplined, at least work-wise, I feel like I have been immensely productive. I feel like I am the most prepared and planned 3 weeks before rehearsal than I have ever been. I still have work to do, but it's coming together.

 Physically, I'm not as routine as I would like to be. Wanting to get up at 5:30 and walk each morning is the goal.....hasn't been achieved once. But, I am making decent choices with food, and have lost 2 pounds so far.

 Musically, I'm making the time to practice. I've spent time over the past week working on arrangements of hymns for instrumentalists in worship for September and October. On that front, I've been quite productive. I've got a bunch more things on the list to be knocking out, and will start to plug away on them very soon.

 Overall, in spending so much of my life making excuses for being mediocre at best, I know it's going to be a while to rebuild and retrain myself to make good habits. Whether it's overall motivation, physical, practicing, or any other thing in my life that I need to make better habits on, when I want to cut corners, be lazy, I stop and think about my wife, my 2 girls, and most importantly, God. I've wasted the time, talents and abilities He's given me, so I need to be making the best of today as I can. I can't change the past. I can only learn from it.

Routine

 Routine is something we as humans desire and detest. We love routine and habit, and more often than not, to be successful, we have to have to be diligent in our routines. But yet, we want to break out of those routines, because those routines become stale and boring.

 In my world as a church musician, that routine is typically broken over the summer. Rehearsals take a break, the schedule gets a little more flexible and free. It's just the right amount of time to breathe in and rest a bit from that routine. The last 4 weeks for me were very much not routine. 4 weeks ago, I focused on getting a plan in place for the fall, so that I knew exactly what I was looking for at my conference the following week. The following week, my conference at Baylor, two weeks ago, trying to catch up and get some things done, all while having a massively frustrating and annoying sinus headache and congestion most of the week, and last week, my vacation of being a daddy and spending time with my daughters.

 But today is different. we're starting to ease back into routine. My girls start childcare today, Wednesday and Friday, while my wife works part-time on those same days. This is a new, exciting and scary reality for us. It will be an adjustment for us all, but once we get in that routine, things will fall into place.

 One of the things I have been spending time reviewing and anticipating over the past 2 weeks, especially with the whirlwind of changes knowing what our new reality would be, is looking at things I need to do to be the best husband, father, and church musician I can be. Throughout my nearly 36 years of existence on this planet, one thing I have been able to do quite well at is talk. But, one of the things I don't do well is follow through. Something seems different this time, though. It could be failing repeatedly, and actually deciding that THIS is the time I need to change, for myself, my wife, my daughters and the congregation I serve. Or, I could be fooling myself. I choose to think it's the former not the latter.

 So what am I going to attempt to do differently?

1. When I am home, no work, no IPad, no laptop. This means, no checking email, Facebook, Twitter, nothing. I have fallen very short in the practice of being there. And I see the adverse effects on me as well as my family. Whether that is picking up, doing things around the house, or being the "daddy pillow" my girls love to snuggle up with, this is imperative to change.
2. Exercise and make good food choices. I am 6 feet tall and weigh 278 pounds. There really needs to be nothing more said. I need to make the habit of early morning walking and making good, healthy choices throughout the day. Actually, routine helps in this. 
3. Follow through. This seems very vague, but I am great at marking off time on my calendar, then not following through. The result is the things are done halfway, whether that's practice, planning, or pretty much everything else. 

These are 3 really big and challenging things to do. How do I do it? Day by day. Little steps. Grace if I mess up. But diligence and resolve to start again. Prayer and encouragement from friends and family. I know that I can be and should be much more than I have been in the past. But, the past is the past. I HAVE learned from the mistakes of the past, and want to be a better husband, father, music instructor, church musician, and composer. I am praying that God gives me the strength and the desire to do these things and do them well because, on my own, I've failed miserably. 

God's plan vs. our plan

 A few months ago, had you asked me what my life and schedule would look like in August, I would probably have responded, "exhausting". Now that it's here, it's a different story. When I looked at the calendar in May, I could not have foreseen the changes that would come in life. I did not foresee that the conferences I originally planned to go to this summer to make me a better classroom teacher, would fall through. I did not foresee that there would be less interest than I expected in a Music Camp, and connected with a few other things that took up my time, it didn't happen. I did not foresee that for many reasons, I would not be doing any classroom teaching. Finally, I did not foresee the events that led up to us changing preschools for our 4 year old, Ella, nor having both daughters in childcare, nor my wife being a part-time office assistant at our church's childcare. But God did.

 Isn't that amazing? In the midst of the chaos and tumult, God is there, seeing something bigger than we ever could. Being a dad has given me a slight glimpse into this interplay. There have been times when Ella, who for whatever reason, is overtired, but wants to stay up, is told no, it's time for bed. Tears, meltdown and 4 year old girl drama ensue. Now, I could explain to her the reasons why she needs to go to sleep, but she won't understand. So, she is told to go to sleep, the meltdown, drama and tears ensue, and sleep inevitably happens. God could explain to us why things are going on, but we wouldn't understand. I've often found myself asking, 'God, why are you doing this?", almost expecting an answer. Instead, I know that I should be saying, "God, I trust Your will, not mine."

 This week begins a new chapter in the life of my family. There's lots of anticipation, lots of praying on my part. This week starts our new "normal". I'll be in my regular schedule of duties, the girls will be in childcare Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and we'll see how all of the puzzle pieces fit. I know that in the midst of the new kids and teachers my girls will be introduced to, there will be challenges. But, my prayer for this week is: "God, I trust Your will, not mine." It is my prayer for them, for me, and others around me.

Thoughts on vacation

 It's been an interesting week with forcing myself to not think about or do work relating to my full-time job this week. It's also been interesting spending a majority of time with my girls. I love them to death, but it's a reminder why I work! And it's also a positive reminder why we made the right choice in sending both to childcare starting next week. But, that concept of rest.....why is it so hard to do? I've spent some time thinking about that this week. Why do we (or me in particular) struggle with resting? For me, I think it's because of the busyness of life based in a whole lot of different things. When I was single, I wasn't as busy, or so it seemed. When I got married, it was a different kind of busy. When we had one child, it was a completely different busy. And when the second child came along, even different busy. But how to make time to rest? It takes intentionality. It takes understanding that it may not look exactly like you want it to. But for each person, taking the time to rest is imperative.

 The other interesting thing happened last night. In a conversation with my mother as my dad prepared for a heart cath procedure today, she made a comment of not being ready for him to be gone. Instinctively, my response was "well, we're only guaranteed the breath that we have. We may not be guaranteed tomorrow or the next day". This has been on my mind a bunch today. If I knew today was my last day on earth, how would I live? Would it be different? How so? And the reality is, today could be my last day on earth. No, I don't know something you don't. But God does. And He's the only one who knows if today is your last day, my last day, or anyone's last day on earth. And I'm OK with that. Of course, I would be sad to leave my wife, my two beautiful daughters, family and friends. But, I'm not living my life for this world. This isn't the end. If today is my last day, I get to be in the presence of God. I get to see my grandparents, my brother, and other family members who have gone on before me. But, if I wake up in the morning, what am I going to do differently than today? How much more grace can I show to others? How much more love can I give? How much more forgiving can I be? How much more patient can I be? All these thoughts floating through my head. I know I won't have all of the answers, but I will be continuing to wrestle with these questions.

Words

"Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or Put it out"

These are lyrics to a song that has really touched me lately. The song is called "Words" by the band Hawk Nelson. As a vocalist, I was taught quite early on that words have meaning. It's also something I try to impress on every vocalist I work with and encourage. But outside of songs, words have plenty of meaning. It's not only what we say, but how we say it. I know that intentionally and unintentionally, I have caused harm and hurt with my words. And I have been caused harm by plenty of people, intentionally and unintentionally by their words. As a human being, it is easy to be sensitive to those hurtful words, replay them over and over and over again and create that negative self-talk and doubt.

A few months ago, even though money was tight, I told my wife that I needed to buy this book. The book was titled "Start" by Jon Acuff. I read his blog "Stuff Christians Like" and it's pretty funny. I had heard about his book "Quitter" and it sounded pretty good. But this book.....there was something different. I think it was the tagline "Punch fear in the face, go from average to awesome and do work that matters" that caught me. You see, I had let those words cripple me with doubt and fear. I had fallen into the trap of settling for average or "good enough", and I questioned if what I was doing mattered. This book changed my life and my outlook, primarily with this idea of negative self-talk and doubt.

I've felt this pull to write music. I'm a musician. It's what many of us like to do. I know the basics of music, music theory, music composition, and more. But putting all of that together to make something beautiful is not always easy. So I quickly learned. But, I forgot the one important lesson to anything in life. The more you do something, the better, more comfortable and more confident you get. But I didn't do that as much as I should. After reading "Start", I decided that I would record on my IPad one song I wrote over a year ago, one song inspired by words my 4 year old was singing, and one song that was in my head, and upload them to www.noisetrade.com/harmannymusic. You can go and download it if you want. So far, in about a month, I've had 7 downloads. Not great, but that's 7 more than 0. But here's the kicker. Tonight, I received a tweet that shared a link to a review of 20 albums downloaded from noisetrade. One of them was mine! The comments were "

good worship themed messages.. piano backed.. not very high quality.. but some pretty good lyrics that are lifting of God". I know full well that they were not high quality in recording, as I did it on my IPad. But that wasn't the point. The point was to put them out there and get a response from folks. And I am thankful for this!

Does that mean that I've made it? Absolutely not. But hearing positive feedback encourages me and challenges me to do more and try to do better. And I am grateful for that. I know that I don't share those encouraging words with others as much as I should, but this is a good reminder to me that I should be doing much more encouraging than I have in the past.

What a crazy week!

Wow, to sum it up, God's timing is amazing!! This week was crazy, because I was fighting congestion and a cough all week. On top of that, my oldest was back to running a fever, and diagnosed on Tuesday with a mild ear infection and strep throat. So it was a week of physical downness in my house.

But what amazing things happened ministry-wise! On Monday, I shared with my Praise Team the idea encouraged to me by others to get together and eat. So, on the first Sunday of each month, for anyone on the team who is able, we're meeting for lunch right after church. On Tuesday, I decided to follow up with the Salvation Army with the idea of having my handbell group play at a kettle in winter. This is not my idea, I am borrowing it from my Handbell Musicians of America magazine from last December. But the response I got was fantastic! They're excited and want to find more ways to get churches and more specifically, musical groups involved with their outreach at Christmastime! Then, I heard back from Ci-Ci's pizza about a fundraising opportunity that we can have there. My idea was to have some musicians from our music ministry come and share music while people eat! The manager said that many groups have done that, and it's been successful! Finally, I got a flyer from Sea World San Antonio about the opportunity at Christmastime to have 30 minutes on stage sharing music at their Christmas events. There's lots of great opportunities on the horizon!

Which leads to where I'm at right now. I feel like a corner has been turned and things are moving forward. For about the past 3 years, I honestly felt like I was spinning my wheels and not really getting anywhere. A lot of it was me trying to do things by myself, not involving others, and not communicating well. A lot of it was me allowing myself to fall into a trap of mediocrity a long time ago and not expect more of myself and the groups I'm working with. But, now, things have changed in me, in my life, and in the music ministry of King of Kings.

I am looking forward to this next week, because I am taking a break. I really wrestled with whether I should or shouldn't, for a whole lot of reasons, but now, I realize that I need to. I broke down in tears during the opening worship last week at the Alleluia conference because the focus was on rest. And I do very much need it. I haven't made the time for myself and my family. And in re-evaluating what I am doing and how I am ministering to others, if I'm not taking care of myself and my family, I'm a failure, no matter how hard I work. So, this coming week will be used to spend time with my girls, work on some projects around the house, write music, and rest. And then, after that, it's back to work. And there's lots of good and exciting things awaiting!

Day 4 of the Alleluia Conference

I realized that I did not sum up Friday! Oh well, Sunday morning is better than never. I had a session on planning, panic and pacing. It was good thoughts from a man who spent many years in full-time church music service and how best to be prepared, how to involve others, and also, a bit about involving your family. That's something that I've really been wrestling with, now that Ella is getting to a point where she can go with me and listen and do other things while I practice or work. Trying to find that balance is the biggest challenge!

My final session was on composing and arranging, led by Joseph Martin. As with the similar session I went to led by Joel Raney, it was insightful, challenging, encouraging, and it helped me to realize that writing music isn't easy, but it's beneficial and necessary. So, I definitely have major challenges ahead of me.

This week, my series of questions to wrestle with and pray about are:
1. How do I involve more in the Music Ministry of King of Kings?

2. How do I share leadership responsibilities?

3. How do I make more time to practice, write music, plan and be prepared? What needs to be sacrificed for that to happen?


I know that these and many others will be a major focus in my thoughts and actions this week!

Day 3 of the Alleluia Conference

It seems like each day this week has had its' own theme. Day 1 was refreshment and challenge. Day 2 was realizing the things that I have not done well and need to focus in on improvement. Today, day 3 was a much more positive day. The theme? I am not alone. I can do this.

I spent the first session discussing with Robbie Seay (and a few others) about how best to pastor/minister to our teams. This was quite convicting based on how I haven't done that well with my Praise Team, but the more I was thinking about it, it's much deeper than that. But it is pointless to beat myself up over what I didn't do. The thoughts in my head now turn to how to make those big and small changes to do a better job of connecting, ministering to and caring for those in the Music Ministry at King of Kings.

After a music reading session and worship, I met up with two dear friends who I respect so greatly, Kim and David Angerman. It was good to chat with them, bounce ideas off of them, and be encouraged and blessed by them. I met them 2 years ago at the Alleluia Conference, and God has blessed me by having them in my life. After lunch, I was able to help them set up for David's presentation.

Another music reading session (I have done a LOT of singing this week!), I went to another Robbie Seay session. Another tremendous blessing in discussing the balance between musical excellence and authenticity, a definite buzzword in worship circles nowadays. It was reinforcement to what I tell my voice students, and what I need to tell every singer I work with.....it's great that you're musically, rhythmically accurate and precise, singing with wonderful tone and diction, but you have to be believable. Personalize the song!

Finally, I did something that challenged me. I went to a session on the organ. I was on scholarship for organ in college. Back when I was in 2nd grade, I went to a Paul Manz hymn sing, and it was when I decided I wanted to play the organ. But, over the years, I have lost that desire, excitement and enthusiasm for playing the organ. That wouldn't be too much of a problem, except for the reality that it is part of my job! So, I need to spend time rediscovering why I wanted to play the organ, why I have loved the organ for the majority of my life. Today helped immensely with that. We had a discussion about moving forward, how best to get congregations to support organ music, how to get younger people excited and interested in the organ. In all of this, the realization from this whole week hit me. And this is the way to summarize this week:

I am called to serve the church through music. I am expected to be the expert, yet not be a know-it-all. To do my best, I cannot do it all myself. I have to involve others.

When it comes to the organ, a big part of it has been my ongoing frustration with the instrument I have to play. So what? It's an instrument. It's better than no instrument. That's something I have to get over and deal with. The other aspect of where my struggle has been is that I have not put in the time to practice and better myself, as I should have been. I've made excuses, and I have the time to do it. I just have to do it!

Tonight is the opportunity to sit around a quiet house and get a few things thought through and put together, and get ready to head out after my morning sessions! I am ready to head home and start to figure out how to put all of this into action, and how to start incorporating others and their ideas, gifts and abilities in the music ministry. I have some ideas already that I am starting to put together and I am hopeful that there is a positive response!

Day 2 of Alleluia Conference

Day 2 continued where Day 1 ended. I started with a fantastic session on "power". Not only talking about the power intrinsic in music, but interpersonal power, which is not always a bad thing. The example was shared that by following traffic laws, we give power to those laws and those who enforce the laws. Or, when the alarm goes off, we give it power by getting out of bed! This caused me to really spend time thinking and praying about me and how I share that power and responsibility I have been entrusted with at King of Kings. Do I? What does that look like? What should that look like?

 A Christmas music reading session, which was alright, then it was time for worship. It was a fascinating service, premised on the idea that, while the Israelites were captives in Babylon, yet worshipped God, we Christians today are doing things that are very countercultural, and are sometimes against what is common wisdom of the world. We had an opportunity to speak different Psalms and other laments all at the same time. It was this amazing sound!

 Then it was time for lunch. I was blessed to have the opportunity to have lunch with composers. Joseph Martin, Ruth Elaine Schram, Joel Raney and Rollo Dillworth, along with about 20 other conference participants. A fantastic opportunity for interaction. And some excellent insights were shared. After lunch was time for another music reading session, and I got to sit with my good friends David and Kim Angerman, along with Joshua Chai, the director of choral activities at Concordia, Austin. A row of Lutherans in the midst of Baptists! It was wonderful! David directed his composition, which I will be purchasing for my Chancel Choir to sing for Reformation.

 I had another opportunity to be encouraged and challenged with another seminar on the fact that, as a worship leader/musician, everything I do, verbally and non-verbally matters. I'm not usually "in front", but in directing and other interactions with people, what I say, and just as importantly, maybe even more, what I don't say does make a difference.

 Finally, I went to a session on composing and arranging by Joel Raney, editor of Hope Publishing. I received some great insights, and even more encouragement to continue to compose and arrange music. I am feeling very much pulled toward this direction, and the decision that I was led to very recently to not teach a part-time junior high choir or instrumental group or whatever it would be definitely plays a major role in that, which I felt very affirmed in!

 All in all, another wonderful, challenging, and thought-provoking day. I know that tomorrow will bring much, much more. And of course, the challenge is not only how to process and synthesize it to share with others, but to incorporate it and implement it in my life and ministry.

Day 1 of Alleluia Conference

4 years ago, I decided to go to this conference that Baylor hosts called the Alleluia Conference. I chose it, because I could save my congregation a little money and stay with my parents. Day 1 of 4 years ago, as all the day 1s of each conference, started with worship. Within a few organ notes, I was in tears. I didn't realize how dry I was emotionally, spiritually, musically, until I got there. Every year that I have gone has been a spiritual, emotional and musical renewal for me.

Today was no different. Once again, God had a point that He has been pounding in my head. Do what you're supposed to do. Work hard, put in the time and effort. Don't skimp on doing your best job, as you have in the past. But.....take time to REST. The whole theme of the opening worship was......rest. My question that I want to discuss with folks this week, and try to obtain a good game plan on how to balance my life, family, ministry.....and what does God lead me to starting out? REST. YES!!! That is what I need. I have been running exhausted for the past 6 weeks or so. It's been a struggle to do my daily tasks. Why???? Easy answer. What time have I taken since April to rest? April 12th-14th was the last time I took time away from church, and focused on my family. Why? Because it was Ella's birthday and we went camping.

Then, a music reading session. One of the best things about getting church musicians together is the singing.....and one of the things that this conference does so well is provide opportunities to get hands on music. Then a session that I went to talking about the worship "leader" (musician, director of music, whatever the title) as curator or explorer. What a thought! Involving others.....guess what? ANOTHER point that God has been hammering into my head over the past few weeks. I have been trying to lead all by myself! Guess how far that gets you......yeah, not too far. And I've brought frustration upon myself by my own doing! So, how do I fix it? Simple! Let others be part of the process! Once again, reinforcement to the point! Then in the same session, the discussion came up to where my heart has been led for the past few years. How does the church/church music ministry reach out to those outside the church? YES, I think.....getting excited for some ideas.......answer? "I don't have the answers." Good!!! Me either!!! But I want to figure them out! And guess how best to do that? INVOLVE OTHER PEOPLE!!! Amazing!

Final learning session is about instrumental music. I'm so amazingly blessed to have the majority of the instrumentalists at my church (which is a whole bunch) be in high school and younger! What a great opportunity to encourage them!! But then.....the light bulb goes off. I haven't really been setting them up for success as much as I should! Have I given them enough lead time to prepare? Have I worked with them enough? Have I just thrown them out there by themselves? Wouldn't it be better to have duets, trios, quartets and other ensembles? The best news is that I have the musicians to do this.....so why don't I? Add another thing to the to-do list! But this is something I am extremely excited about, as I truly believe this can be a unique, signature aspect of the Music Ministry of King of Kings!

The day ended with an amazing music reading session. It's the reading session I always get the most excited about. Anthems with orchestration. Brass, strings, oboes, bassoons, percussion, you name it, it was pretty much there. OK, no harmonicas. I'll get to writing a piece. But wow.....words cannot describe the joy in my heart!

Tomorrow starts at 8 AM, so I have to get up bright and early to get my walk in! I am so thankful for this conference, and I ask you to please keep me in prayer as God shows me more and more insights, and I pray that I am able to decipher them and put them into practical use to best serve King of Kings, and be the best musician, husband, father and person that I can be!

I get it!!!

This post is somewhat of an addendum to my previous post. I have had some events happen that have turned my brain upside down, things that I know I need to do, but haven't.

Tonight, I had the opportunity to watch amazing and talented friends of mine play some unbelievable music. They are extraordinarily talented, yet, they have worked their tails off to better that talent. A case in point. Back when I first met my friend, Ryan Proudfoot, who sang tonight, it was October of 2012. Ryan and his producer, my other friend, Matt Adler, were working on this amazing song, which ended up being "Treasure" the first song on the album. It blew me away, and I couldn't get it out of my head. But that was October. The album released in June. Between those two points, they worked and worked and worked, and crafted the songs, so they were the best they could be.

 What does that have to do with me? Everything. One thing is holding me back. It's not lack of talent. It's not lack of resources.

What is holding me back is me.

That's hard to see in actual type. But it's true. I was reminded by my pastor in a conversation this week, as I was sharing how it is a great joy to be able to encourage people and see them be successful, he said, "yes, but you also have the opportunity to model for people". And it's been clicking ever since. I've put much more of a focus on encouraging people, and not making the time for myself, to challenge myself, to push myself to be better. I've only settled for "good enough". I've made excuses, justified, but in the end, I've neglected my abilities. But here's the thing. I have two daughters, and one, my 4 year old, Ella, loves music. I have a piano sitting in my living room. It was my grandparents. I don't play it like I should. I have a bass I am borrowing from a friend so I can learn to play. Have I touched it? No. A couple of years ago, I spent a couple of hundred dollars on a trumpet. Do I play it? Once in a while. I've not challenged myself to model for my daughters the love of music I have. Which leads me to a greater and deeper question. Do I love music? My gut answer is "of course". But does that joy permeate me, so that it is evident and it is my passion and focus? Or is it just something else I do? That's another post.

 As I was thinking about all of this, I'm going to Baylor next week for their annual Alleluia conference. The thought went through my head, "why start thinking about this when I can't actually can't do anything about it the next week?" But I can. I can use that time to be encouraged, make a plan and a schedule. I was challenged by what Jimmy Needham said at the concert tonight. "We get caught up in the law, the things we should do and don't do". I can't change the lack of attention I've placed in my life that has happened in the past. I can change the present and the future. And that's what I am trying to figure out what to do.