Why Christians should smile more!

I have been in conferences the past 2 weeks relating to music and church music and I have been inspired and encouraged. But the primary thought that has gone through my head in the past two weeks culminated in a statement made at my conference this week. The statement was "Instead of concerning ourselves with whether or not people like the music we share in worship, why not consider how our music reflects our (congregational) love for God." This was a huge a-ha moment for me! What would our worship look like if it genuinely reflected our love for God? What would be different than our current worship? If there is a difference, why is that? Is it our worship construct? Is it our lack of freedom in expressing our love for God?

 I have been a Lutheran Christian my entire life. One of the things I noticed very early on in life is that we don't smile. It has become a joke for many Lutherans, but it's a sad reality. What would life as a Christian (Lutheran or not) be like if we smiled more? Yes, this world is harsh, filled with challenges, trials, hatred and many other things. But, why don't we smile? Why can't we smile? Think about it. We are winners! Through Jesus' death and resurrection, we have victory over death and the devil! SMILE!!!!!! God loves us and provides for us in His own unique, special and perfect way! For a long time, I struggled with trusting God for His provision. While I still have my moments, I have learned that HIS timing is perfect, not mine. So, I SMILE!!!! When I stop and ponder the fact that God loved His creation so much that He sent His Son, Jesus to redeem it, we HAVE to smile! There are so many reasons for us as Christians to smile. So why don't we?

If I had that answer, I'd be a wealthy man. But I don't know. All I can do is look in the mirror. I lose sight of what's important. I get sidetracked and focused on unimportant things. I look around at the world and I start to be of the world as opposed to being in it. My smile disappears. But then, there are those moments that God returns my focus to Him. I do think The Beatles were on to something with "All We Need is Love". All we do truly need is love. God's love for us, which flows out into our love for others. Easier said than done, of course. But when we fix our eyes on God, and try to look at things from His perspective, that love flows through us and out into the world. That is going to be my attempt, and I pray that God works in me and through me to show that love. And the best way to start is by smiling more!

Failure

I'm not sure why this thought has been on my mind lately, but I figured I would explore it a little further. If I were to grade myself on the roles I have in life, I would fall far short of what grade I would like to get. My roles are: son, brother, husband, father, friend, musician. Why do I fall short? The all-encompassing, simple answer is that I am sinful. But it's much more than that.

As a musician, I realized that no matter how much I practice, I will still make mistakes. They may be small, but they're still mistakes. And for a long time, I used that as my excuse, and got into extremely bad habits, which I am still trying to correct. Is that part of why I would get a lower grade? Yes. I think another part of it is as well is being content and not being challenged, internally or externally, to improve.

As a friend, I was reminded last night in a discussion last night about a friendship that had soured. It was a complicated situation, but since mid November, this person hasn't said a word to me. Now, I could do something about that, and at least approach the subject and maybe something changes for the positive. Maybe not. The biggest reason why I would get a lower grade is because at times, I choose not to put in the work that friendships take.

I could keep going with more and more examples of where I fall short. But this isn't confession time. The law in the Bible reminds us that we are sinful, and we fall so far short of what God expects of us. And when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see. But the Gospel reminds us that no matter how far short we fall, God picks us up, forgives us, and loves us. And that blows me away when I stop to ponder that. God knows that we will screw up again, and again, and again, yet He chooses to love and forgive us. Amazing. I have to make attempts to be better, but I know I'll fall short. I'll get distracted by other things, make incorrect choices, and fall short once again. But God doesn't fall short. He goes above and beyond even what His own law demands. His love, grace and mercy trumps all. And what joy that brings!

Awards?

Yesterday was the Dove awards. If you're not familiar with them, they're the Christian version of the Grammys. This concept has always felt a little odd to me, but I guess there is a lot that could be construed as weird about creating songs about God and selling them.

I was watching some of the Tweets come up as to who won what award, and I just kept thinking, "why does it have to be about "Christian" music? Yes, the lyrics speak about God and His work, but music is music. Why can't the music be judged as a creative piece of work? There is some great stuff out there!

This thought has been a source of recent ponderings in my head. I recently read a blog post by Dan Haseltine, lead singer of the band Jars of Clay, about how they write music for the people in the middle. Not specifically for Christian folks, but not specifically for not Christian folks either. They have impacted a whole lot of people through their music. And I love hearing music by bands that I know are Christians (Hawk Nelson, Skillet, Superchick, TobyMac and a whole lot more) that are played on commercials, TV shows and the like.

For a long time, I listened primarily to "secular" music and occasionally to "Christian" music. Understand, this was in the 80's and if I had to choose Amy Grant or Madonna, I'd pick Madonna. Today, I'd probably pick neither for a whole bunch of reasons! When I got into college, I realized that I needed to reflect my faith by the music I listened to. So, I started listening to solely "Christian" music. Then, a few years ago, at a conference on worship, Lincoln Brewster and a few of the other presenters were talking about how they write music based on what is popular on the radio. I tried listening, and I couldn't. It reminded me so much of who I was, and I just couldn't.

But, more recently, something inside of me has changed. Now, I won't go back to listening to 2Pac or Metallica again, but I'm drawn to excellent music. I really enjoy Mumford and Sons, but I skip over their song "Little Lion Man" because of the swearing in the chorus. It's a great song, but I can't listen to that language. So, I've become a bit more picky in my listening. I still listen to "Christian" radio, but thankfully, I can listen to Air1 now and not solely KLove. But, in this recent period, I definitely have reflected more on lyrical content, as much as musical creativity. And I think both can most definitely coexist in "Christian" music.

I still think awarding a "Best Christmas Album" is a silly idea, although I'm happy The David Crowder Band won it. But, what about putting The David Crowder Band, Mat Kearney, Needtobreathe, Gungor or any other band against what is currently playing on the radio and see what people like more? Why do we as Christian like to live in our bubble? I think in the end, it comes down to safety....or, more truthfully, the perception of safety.

Blessed?

Today is Maundy Thursday. I was awakened at 4:30 AM by the cries of my beautiful 4 month old daughter Emily. At 5:00 AM, my older, almost 3 year old daughter Ella wakes up because she has to "tinkle". She's like her daddy and has a hard time going back to sleep once feet have hit the floor. However, after about a half hour, she went back to sleep.

In my early, early morning thinking and praying, I realized how blessed I am. Not only personally when it comes to health and other avenues in my life, but for my 2 daughters, and how they've been healthy and all. Their births were healthy, they've been great, and we are blessed. But it's one of those things that since you're always around it, and it's not a problem, you don't realize how blessed you are.

I think it can be that way with the Passion story. For many of us who have been Christians for a while, or have heard the Passion story, it's an important story, but it's one that we hear this time every year. It has been my personal prayer this Lenten season that I experience and think about the journey in a different way. And God has blessed that prayer with the thought of how blessed I am.

How blessed am I that God would love me in spite of my self-centered way of living?
How blessed am I that God would take my sins, and the sins of the whole world and place them on His sinless Son?
How blessed am I that every time I mess up and ask God for forgiveness, it is given.
How blessed am I that God would know that creation would rebel against Him, yet created it to show His redeeming power and love?

There are many more questions, but then as I pondered these questions, the overwhelming thought became "now what". If I know these things to be true, is my life in line with that? To be blunt, am I living and showing love as God has loved me? Absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, no way.

Being a dad twice over now has given me an insight into my relationship with God on so many levels. Primarily, Ella, being almost 3, loves to incessantly ask the same question over and over, even when the answer is given. I think about myself and God. Do I ask the same questions over and over, even when God has given me an answer? Yes!! It's like if I ask it the right way, in the sweetest tone possible, bat my eyes just right, He'll change His mind and I'll get my way! But God has His reasons for doing things, and even though we may not see it, He knows what is best.

So, what does this all have to do with Holy Week? Simple. God knew what was best for us, and loved us so much, that He chose to take the punishment we deserve, lay it all on His Son, and send Him to the cross. But, the story doesn't stop there. No way. It leads to the empty tomb, and death being defeated! While we struggle on this earth with sickness, sadness, and ultimately death, we can LAUGH in the face of it all, knowing that God loves us, and has redeemed us. I know I will not perfectly live this out, but I am going to do my best and be conscious of having this attitude!

Boldness

"Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold." 2 Corinthians 3:12

This verse was the first verse of our Epistle reading on Sunday morning. It's always easy to skip over that first verse in a reading, because you're just settling in, or readjusting, but look at it. Since we have such a hope....what hope is that? The previous verses are talking about the new convenant with God and the glory brought by it...but what is that? HEAVEN! So, since since Heaven is our hope, we are very bold. Bold to do what?

I was impressed this past week with our Synodical President who was asked to testify before a committee on abortion and contraception in the new healthcare law. The concern from many churches is that there is a mandate to provide contraception and pills that basically terminate a pregnancy, even if there is religious objection. The words shared were clear, concise and BOLD.

But what about us? Those of us who are not deeply theologically trained? Those of us "regular folk". How are we bold? I am ashamed of myself at many times because I "work" for God, yet, how bold am I? I fall very short in my boldness most often.

So, maybe it's not about the boldness of our actions. That's a good thing. But maybe, just maybe, we need to be bold not in ourselves or our actions, but bold in talking about God. Bold in falling into His grace and mercy. Bold in forgiveness. Bold in living joy-filled lives, because we have a hope and confidence that as children of God, heaven is ours.

Let's get bold. Bold in speaking about how imperfect we are, yet are forgiven by God. Bold in speaking about how God loves us, in spite of us turning our backs on Him. Let's be bold, because God was bold for us. He sent His only Son, Jesus, the sinless sacrifice, to be our stand-in. We'll stumble, we'll fall. We'll even be timid. But I pray that in this world that needs to hear good news more than ever, we'll be the ones BOLDLY saying, "It's not about what you've done wrong. It's about what God has done for you." Building those connections, speaking in love, and allowing the Word, the love, the joy of God to penetrate and permeate the deepest places of all of our souls!

I've got the joy?

Yes, I put a question mark after that statement. The statement usually ends with an exclamation point, but it's a question I've been asking myself recently for many reasons. As the dad of a nearly 3 year old daughter, a 2 month old daughter and a husband to an amazing and beautiful wife, these are reasons to be bursting with joy. And I do. To be blessed with an amazing family that has passed on a legacy of faith that I try to share with everyone around me, who loves me and cares for me and prays for me daily, I burst with joy. So why am I posting about joy?

Well, we're getting closer to Lent. As a Lutheran, Lent is far from joy filled. In being honest, as a Lutheran, most Sundays seem to be far from joy filled on the outside. We may be dancing on the inside, but our faces sure don't know it. Part of my struggle with Lent is that as an Easter Christian, I know the end of the story! I get excited because it's the best ending any story could have! I understand as well that we Lutherans (and other Christians as well) remind ourselves of why God sent Jesus to redeem us. And that is a beneficial and needful thing too. But how do we strike the balance? How do we remember that in the end, GOD WINS AND DEATH IS DEFEATED, but it was because of the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf because we cannot redeem ourselves? Sorry if I spoiled the end of the story.

For a while now, I've shared with people my observation that after receiving the body and blood of Jesus in The Lord's Supper, there is a lack of smiling. Typically, there's a lack of any expression. My contention is that you have just received the body and blood of Jesus, forgiveness of your sins.....wouldn't that bring you joy? Or another observation, and maybe it's living in Texas now for 4 years, wouldn't it be great if after the pastor shares the absolution with the congregation, there's a collective "YAHOO"!!!! I may get a few people upset with me for saying it, but how do you hear those words of forgiveness and NOT smile? And NOT be joyful?

I don't have the answers. I just seem to keep coming up with questions. But the one answer I personally keep returning to is that joy of serving God and serving God by serving others is where I find my joy. Even in those moments where I wonder what God is doing, or why God has me doing what I'm doing, I can be filled with joy because whether I understand God's working or motives, I am serving Him and answering His call.

The Holy Hand Clap

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/01/the-clap-offering/

The link above is a blog post on Jon Acuff's blog called "Stuff Christians Like". It's great. It is a great reflection on the church and the Christian subculture in a funny and unique way. Like this post. In "the world" (which we all live in), if we are appreciative of something, we clap. We clap if it's good, we clap if it's not so good. But what about church?

It comes down to why is music offered in worship? It's been something I've been pondering for a while. Particularly in light of a few not so positive comments shared in our recent congregational survey on worship regarding my organ treatment of hymns. That's another post for another day. But why is music in our worship services? It's Biblical. That's the easy answer. But, I'm thinking on a higher level here. A month ago, I was at a conference in Dallas and the (not-Lutheran) pastor shared some thoughts on Christmas and singing. He said why is it that Mary, Simeon, and the angels burst into song? His thought: Music goes farther emotionally than mere words can. And I think that's spot on. If I just speak words to God, there's power there. But if I match it to beautiful music, you have powerful words and powerful music connected at a much deeper level.

So, back to clapping. Why don't we clap when the reader speaks the Old Testament lesson filled with really difficult names without stumbling? Why don't we clap when the Pastor is done with the sermon and did a great job of expounding on Law and Gospel? Why don't we clap at anything else outside of music in our worship service? I just don't get it.

Am I saying don't clap? No. Just trying to figure out why we do it. I've spent many years trying to figure it out, and probably will continue to. To me, I don't share music or encourage others to share music to gain applause of the people in the pews. That's not what it is for. It is to praise God for the blessings He gives and the joy that comes from serving Him!

A tool I use (and you should too!!)

As a church music director, you can become inundated with publishers saying "look at our music" or the latest and greatest contemporary worship song that you may want to pull your hair out and scream. And with advances in technology, if you have a microphone and a keyboard or guitar, you can get your song out there. As a music lover, I listen to KLove and Air1 (more Air1 than anything else!), but I've also found this great resource. It's called www.noisetrade.com

Having a nearly 3 year old and a 2 month old, I don't have a whole lot of free money to put toward purchasing music. That's where Noisetrade comes in. It's all free. There is a tiny catch, you have to put in your e-mail and your zip. But the zip is for the musicians to know that if a lot of people in your specific zip code downloaded your music, you may want to look at a concert in that area. There's major groups like The OC Supertones, Caedmon's Call, Evan Wickham, Five Iron Frenzy and many more, along with just regular old musicians, trying to get noticed. I can't tell you how many new artists I have found through Noisetrade. And for someone who likes a diversity of music (organ to rap), there's something for everyone. I have become more enthralled with the banjo due to musicians I have downloaded music from on Noisetrade.

So, go check it out! You can do different searches for musicians in your area (by specific city), styles of music, if you're a fan of a group of singer, and these are great ways to find new music! Have fun and let me know if you like it!

Improvising and joy

Yesterday was a busy, but long day. Most Sundays are. It started with arriving at church at about 7:10 AM. Get things set up so that I can rehearse with my Chancel Choir at 7:30. In my previous post, I mentioned they were singing Mendelssohn's "Grant Us Thy Peace". There was a slight problem at 7:30, however. I only had men. So, I waited about 5 more minutes. Still men. So, I said, well, we'll adjust. Instead of an SAB piece, we'll sing a B piece, and I explained what we would do. We sang the closing hymn the worship as a warmup, then got to singing the piece. Nice, but not what was on the page! Then our 3 sopranos made it. But no altos! So, still, we stuck with the improvised plan. It worked and sounded beautiful.

A little later in the morning, during our 10:45 service, in the sermon, we had a boy decide he wanted to come check out the front of church...DURING THE SERMON! The family seemed a little hesitant to come get him, so our pastor improvised. He made the boy a part of the sermon. Not what his intent was when he started the sermon, I'm sure, but it worked and was a beautiful illustration!

So I've titled this post improvising and joy. I've shared 2 examples where things planned aren't always how things go. Isn't that our lives? The things WE plan and the things WE want to do aren't always how things actually end up. But the joy comes when we have opportunity to look back and see how God's hand was guiding and blessing that time. When things don't go the way we want them to in our worship, do we offer thanks to God, or do we complain, grumble and get upset because that wasn't how WE wanted it to go? For a long time, if things didn't go the way I planned and expected them to musically, I chose the latter option. And I was miserable. But then, something changed. I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it's maturity, maybe it's learning through struggles, but my attitude changed and I looked at the things not going the way I wanted them to in a different light. I looked at them as how God wanted them to be. And that is joy-filling! Sometimes we get so focused on ourselves and our likes and dislikes that we lose sight of the creator of all and how unique and creative He is in His creation, in His action in creation, and in His care for creation. This brings me joy. I pray it does for you as well.

Grant Us Thy Peace

On Sunday, our Chancel Choir will be singing Felix Mendelssohn's "Grant Us Thy Peace". Mendelssohn is a very interesting composer, and actually was a Lutheran! We have him to thank for the revival of Bach's music in the mid 1800s. He wrote many pieces for choir, organ, symphonies, and was an all-around talented composer.

The idea of peace is one we like to talk a lot about in the world. In the world's view, peace is where there is no discord or no struggle. And that's nice to think about and try to attain, but we're sin-filled. Which means that we're going to struggle with conflicts in relationships, conflicts in life around us, and conflicts in many other aspects of our world. In John 14:27, Jesus says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Peace given, not as the world gives? Sign me up! But how would God's peace impact our relationships and struggles here on earth? If we start to focus on God, by being in His Word and letting that Word permeate our hearts and minds and lives, then our attitudes toward those struggles and conflicts will change.

On Sunday, at King of Kings, we'll be looking at the Bible verses about the calling of the twelve disciples. We'll also be singing the hymn "Listen, God is Calling". How do we listen to God's calling in our lives? That's quite challenging, in our busy, hectic, sound-filled lives. So many noises and voices to listen to, but how do we pick God's voice out of the cacophony of sound? We have to intentionally stop what we're doing, and set aside time for God. It doesn't have to be an intentional hour daily, but 10 minutes here and there to read Scripture, pray, be silent and meditate. What I have found to be a blessing to me, but I admit, I haven't done it lately as much as I should, is to take time in the morning or during the day, and go for a walk, put my headphones on, and listen to God-centered music. This focuses me as I start my day, but also gives me time to pray the words to the songs and meditate on God's Word and promises to me. There are many ways to be quiet and listen to God's voice, we all have to figure out what individually works for us.

So, God's calling and peace. You would think that those two wouldn't go too well together. But they sure do! God's calling can lead us to very uncomfortable (to us) and some not so peace-filled settings. But when we listen to God's calling, and go through those challenges and strife and have the opportunity to be stretched, built up, and strengthened by God, we'll start to understand His peace a whole lot more!

More Like Falling in Love

Give me rules, I will break them
Show me lines, I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet, it’s gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

This is a song by Christian singer Jason Gray. I heard him sing it in concert, and heard him talking on Air 1 this afternoon, which made me think about this song again. Yes, many would say "Wait. Falling in love with God? Come on. Theologically speaking, that's just a lazy connection. You see, our feelings are fickle, and they come and go. Why are you even going there". Aaahh....that's the reason.

You see, I've spent my 34 years on this planet a baptized member of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. I love my church body, and I love the church I am a member of. But I have noticed throughout my years growing up as a pastor's kid, going to an LCMS college, and being involved in full-time ministry in LCMS congregations, that we can become more focused on worshiping traditions and history as opposed to worshiping the creator of the universe.

And that's where the song comes in. The point Jason Gray is making in this song is that it is about a relationship with God. Sometimes, when we sing the same hymns and the same liturgy over and over again, it can lose its' meaning. Now, I'm not advocating getting rid of hymns and liturgies! I love them and see the need for them. What I am getting at is while repetition is good for learning and remembering things, repetition also can lead to numbness to what is said and sung.

So what do we do? As in my previous post, it's about our heart. Sometimes taking the focus off of the music and going back to focusing on the lyrics is a way of refocusing. Also, I think it's part of focusing on a relationship with God, and also, in being in relationship with one another. I am still trying to figure out what form this takes on in my life, and I pray that God works on my heart to be focused on a relationship with Him.

It's All About the Heart

"Some Sundays it seems to me that with the addition of several hymns and/or special musical presentations that at the end of the service I have attended a recital instead of a religious service."


This comment was shared from a member of my congregation through an anonymous survey on worship. However, due to the rest of the comment that this person made, they are part of the Music Ministry of the church. There were plenty of other not-so-positive comments made, and none of them really hurt me like this one did. Now, I'm not sharing this to gain sympathy or to say "woe is me". I'm a big boy. I can take it. I know I'm imperfect. But I want to share this comment to take a bit of time to explain the heart and worship.

There is a popular song in many churches called "The Heart of Worship". And the chorus is: "I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about you, it's all about you, Jesus". Sadly, in our consumer driven world (and churches?), the chorus can be changed to "I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about me and what I like. It's all about my likes and dislikes." The problem with sin is it makes us desirous to be God. We think we know better. In some instances, we do. Most of the time, we don't. But back to the comment. Worship turns into a recital? I actually like that. If you've ever been a part of or been to a recital, students practice and practice and practice and sometimes, the music is beautiful. Sometimes, the music is far from beautiful. But you'd never hear boos or catcalls at a recital, no matter how unmusical the music is. And if we follow that logic of worship being a recital, isn't that really what we do? We prepare music for God. Sometimes, it's beautiful, sometimes, it's far from it. Does God reject our worship? I sure hope not!

I'm guessing that this person probably didn't intend this comment to be a positive statement. I can't quite tell. But from the context it seems that way. And I think initially, that's why the comment stung so hard. It is my hope and prayer that the music I share, and that I encourage others to share is taken in the way that it is intended it to be. That is, to glorify God, praising Him for His gifts, and encouraging all gathered together to join in giving God glory. The problem comes when our perspective changes in relation to worship. If the worship is about US and what WE get out of it, whether we sang the hymns we liked, or if the service stayed within the confines of our expected timing, or if the organist didn't "just" play the hymn the way we like it, it's not about us. And that's where we need to have our heart checked. I've had my heart checked in this way so often, because I'm sinful. I can and have easily fallen into the trap of "look at what I can do". Time and maturity has led me to a different way of thinking. That is, "Look at what God does through my very flawed offering of music." As I was telling someone last night, I make plenty of mistakes, I've learned how to hide them throughout the years.

So what's the answer? That's the challenge. Ultimately, I know my heart and I know what I say to encourage people to share in that mentality, but I don't know what's in anyone's heart. I don't know what is in the heart of the congregation listening to the music. When all is said and done, it's about the heart, and it's about that focus being on giving praise to God for what He has done. I look forward to continuing to search out answers and continuing the dialogue.

The happiest, saddest day

Today is the happiest, saddest day. Happy, because it is the release day of The David Crowder Band's last ever album (or at least last for now...) Give Us Rest or (A Requiem Mass in the key of C [The happiest of all keys]). Sad, for the same reason. Over the summer, the DCB decided that this will be their last album. It's my hope, my fantasy, my dream, that they decide in a few years, that they'll continue to make music, but I don't know if that will happen.

My connection with this band happened almost 10 years ago. I was living in the Portland, Oregon area, and they were on tour with this speaker guy Louie Giglio, and this other guy, Chris Tomlin. I had heard the Tomlin guy, and was really more intrigued by this other band, because I had heard their song "Our Love is Loud" quite regularly on Air1 and wanted to go. So I did. When the band came out, I loved the fact they had a DJ....oh wait. Was he a DJ? He played the violin, too. And then this leader singer guy (and the namesake of the band) came out. This hair that stood up, the beard....I was enthralled. Then they made music. I was hooked. After the concert, both Tomlin and Crowder were hanging out in back. I said hi. Yes, I did. Little did I know, 10 years later, the impact that concert would have on my life. Not only the fact that was the moment when David Crowder and Chris Tomlin were imprinted on my heart and mind, but the music connected with me in a way words cannot describe.

Over the past almost 10 years, I've lost track of the Crowder concerts I've been to. Lifest in Wisconsin, The National Youth Workers Convention in Austin, even this summer, I drove to Odessa, Texas, to see them at Rock the Desert. I smile every time I think about a keytar, or the phrase "Behold....the keytar." My heart leaps when I remember the Lite Brite video for SMS (Shine), seeing the video for the first time at Crowder's Fantastical Church Music Conference. The Welcome Wagon, Bifrost Arts, Gungor, John Mark McMillan and The Civil Wars are on my radar screen, and music I love, thanks to David Crowder and the Fantastical Church Music Conference. I have sang "I Saw The Light" countless times in my car at the top of my lungs on repeat. As you may have noticed, this band has made an impact on me and my life.

So, back to the happiest, saddest day. It is a happy day, because I can listen to new Crowder music. It is a happy day, because whenever I listen to Crowder songs, one of the things I remember is, as a Christian, I have hope. It is a sad day, because I may never hear these songs live again. However, Crowder lives in Waco, as do my parents.....

Thank you, David Crowder, Jack Parker, B-Wack, Mike Dodson, Mike Hogan, and Mark Waldrop for the joy that you have given me and countless others with songs like, O Praise Him, Our Love is Loud, My Hope, O Happiness, SMS (Shine), Here is Our King, Foreverandever, etc., You are My Joy, Glorious Day, and so many more. Thank you for the hope, the happiness, the music, the fun, and most of all, thank you for sharing God with me and so many others in a creative, amazing way. I do pray that you consider reuniting in the future, but even if you don't, we'll still be praising God FOREVER......AND EVER.......AND EVER......AND EVER!!! Along with that, we'll be singing, dancing and making joy-filled noises like the saved!!!

Balance

The past 2 months have been challenging for me to figure out my work/life/family balance. With my daughter, Emily, born November 21st, in the midst of preparing and going through the Christmas season, a busy season for any church musician with or without a family, it was a challenge! I comforted myself by remembering that it was only 3 weeks of chaos and then I'd get family time. And the past week and a half have a blessing. Spending time with my girls has refreshed me.

But now comes the part that I'm torn about. I'm leaving to go to a conference in Dallas for a couple of days. I am very excited about going to learn, see new resources, meet new people, but I'm not too excited to leave my girls. I know everything will be fine, and I am thankful that I get to go and have some quiet time for myself to meditate, pray and look ahead to 2012. I need that, I know it. But there is that tinge of guilt that I'm feeling.

You see, my dad is a pastor. Has been for 50 years. He's very gifted at what he does, and I am thankful that he answered God's call to serve in this way. But, for most of my life, it felt to me that the church was a higher priority than his family. Knowing this challenge, as I chose to go into churchwork, I knew that when the time came for a family, they would be my priority. However, as I've learned, that's easier said than done. I am blessed with an extremely understanding and patient wife, because she gets it, but when you're told by a 2 and a half year old, "NO! You CAN'T go!" when you have to leave for church in the morning, that hurts. I know she doesn't completely understand the fact that for us to have a roof over our heads, food on our table, and all that we have, I have to work.

One of my "resolutions" for 2012 is to figure out how to make more time for my family. I can't cut short rehearsals or my preparation time for them or anything like that, but I've come up with a few thoughts. The first is that I am going to attempt to keep my Fridays (my day off) as sacred. No internet, no phone. It's the day for my family. Everything else can wait. The second day I am going to try to protect is Saturday. This way, if we want to make the 3 hour drive to see my parents, and be gone Friday and Saturday, I can do that. The third thought is that when I'm home, I need to put the computer and the phone away and while the girls are awake, I give them my complete attention. After they go to sleep, and after I've spent time with Heather, if work needs to be done, only then will it be done.

I don't know anyone who serves in churchwork who doesn't struggle with balancing their time. I'm open to suggestions if anyone would like to share!