Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor

 So today, Reformation Sunday in the Lutheran church, I played Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor. This is 9+ minutes of ongoing busyness. I spent about 2 months in focused practice to prepare for today.

 Why this piece? There are a couple of reasons. First, Bach was a Lutheran church musician. So it's quite fitting to tie in to Reformation Sunday. Second, I had been feebly "attempting" to learn this piece since college. That consisted of trying to play the piece, failing miserably, and giving up. Another 6-8 months go by, and repeat. A year goes by and repeat. Third, it's the week of Halloween. The Toccata and Fugue have been corrupted as "Halloween music". It's not. It's one of Bach's top compositions, at least in my mind.

 Why this particular day? Obviously the reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but there's much more. I've been "reforming" my attitude toward playing the organ, and this Sunday seemed to be the best culmination of that. I had become great at listening to the negative voices, whether real, perceived or in my head over the past few years, and had not challenged myself to play new pieces. If I did, I stuck to hymn improvisations by composers I knew and liked. I mean, really, I've been playing the organ for worship services for 20 years. Do I really need to learn new music?

YES I DO!

Why?

I've been given a talent from God. It's sinful if I don't use it and work on it to be better.

It's my job. I am paid to be a professional musician, and if I don't take pride in myself and my abilities (given by God), that reflects in my "professionalism".

It's actually fun to take on a challenge and work at it, see improvement, and build on that.

It makes things easier overall. As I was working on the variations on "Holy God We Praise Your Name" for last Sunday, as well as this piece, I noticed that my overall musicianship seemed to fall into place like it used to. Why? I was paying attention to details. I was working on skills that I had been neglected for a while now.



So? How did it go?

I played it as my prelude for both worship services. It wasn't perfect. I didn't expect it to be. It didn't bomb either! In fact, those spots that had given me the most trouble throughout the years, those reasons why I quit working on it from time to time, went as smooth as one could expect. I even received applause after playing it for the 10:45 service! That was totally shocking! Overall, the hard work put in reaped rewards. Now, I could puff up my chest and say, "Look at how good I am! All my hard work paid off." Me. Me. Me. It's not about me. It's about God. He's the giver of the gift. For far too long, I have neglected that gift. And just a couple of months of focused effort have led to some positive changes. I'm excited about what's next.


So? What is next?

I'm going to be doing an organ/piano/vocal concert on December 8th. That will be really fun. I've got some fun Advent/Christmas pieces I'm working on, religious and lightly irreligious. As for what challenge I may take on next, I'm either leaning toward a Buxtehude piece, to work my fingers some more, or some romantic period organ music, as that fits the organ I play. And because it's far from my first choice in organ repertoire.


No matter what the task, it can be accomplished. It may take a lot of focused effort, or it may take time, but it can be accomplished. Whether it's music, or any other task, it can be accomplished. And I thank God for reminding me of this truth.

I'm stuck?

    My almost 2 year old daughter Emily likes to say, "I'm stuck" a lot lately. In reality, she's not quite stuck. She may need a boost on whatever she's climbing, or her chair scooted a little farther back so she can continue to get down. But she's not really stuck.

    I've been feeling a lot like Emily lately.

    I've felt stuck.

    I feel like I'm making progress in getting healthier, challenging myself to be a better musician through practice, composing music.

    But I feel stuck.

    Why?

    As I was pondering this, the answer came to me quite quickly. When you've been as lazy as I have, not expected much of yourself, built bad habits, and quit every time a small challenge came up, it's easy to understand why I'm feeling stuck.


     My habits and expectations of myself are changing.

     I'm expecting more of myself.

     But the challenges are still there.

     The fear of quitting is still there.

     The fear of falling back into those traps of "good enough" are there

     But I'm not giving in. Just like with Emily, she needs a refocus on the bigger picture, that she's not really stuck, I need this as well. How does this happen? Encouragement from God. Encouragement from others. Digging deeper and pushing through.

     I will find creative solutions to the decreasing numbers participating in the music ministry I am called to lead.

     I will challenge myself to be a better organist and musician, putting in the time needed to prepare and practice.

    I will compose music that is challenging, beautiful and will connect those singing and playing it to God.

    I will find ways to get my name and my music out there, to connect with people on a greater scale.

    How all of this works out, time will tell. But I'm not stuck. And I'm not going to allow myself to think that. Challenged, absolutely. Stuck? No way.

Captured by The Digital Age

               Starting today, I am going to take each Friday and pick a song and share it as well as some thoughts about the song. Because I get to see these guys play live tonight, along with Bellarive and my good friend Matt Adler, I thought I'd start with "Captured" by The Digital Age.

Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG9K0lUDwI0

And the lyrics:

Love, You've captured me again
Love, You steal my heart

And oh when I reach out
You're always there
You've captured me again
Oh God
You steal my heart
And oh when I reach out
You're always there

Cause love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love
Hey!

Love, You've captured me again
Oh my God
You steal my heart
And oh when I cry out
You're always there

Cause love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love

Your love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love

I've never felt more found
Than when I'm lost in you
My head may spin around
Like the stars of the night sky do

Your love has come to rescue me
Your love has come to set me free
Your love, love is all I need
Your love
 

 This song is one of my favorites, and a favorite in my house because of the video. My 4 and a half year old and almost 2 year old daughters love this song and the video. But there's more to the song than an absolutely fun video, created by the band and their fans. 

 The Digital Age is the continuation of The David Crowder Band, minus David Crowder and Mike Hogan. These guys are making some great music, and have a great "debut" album. But this song was the first I heard, and the first that caught me, and continues to get me.

 Many of us in the church focus on the rules and regulations, the should and should not. And there is a place for the rules and regulations. But stop for a second. Be still. Be quiet. Think about this. God loves you no matter what. God created you in His image, He redeemed you when you were His enemy. He forgives you EVERY TIME you repent. No questions asked. So....how do you feel when you think about that? I'm overwhelmed. I'm joyful. I'm exuberant. And that is where the heart of this song comes in.

 The song is upbeat and joyful, and the lyrics reflect that. And of course, the video does too. God has captured us with His love. God is with us at all times and hears us when we cry out. There is rescue and freedom in God's love. And as Christ followers, we are called to share this good news. Why not do it in a joyful manner?

 So, today and every day, let's go out and share the news that God's love is joyful, refreshing, and captures us in an amazing and powerful way!

Thank you, Jon Acuff

 Jon Acuff is an amazing guy. No, I haven't personally met him, although I'd love to. Through interviews and reading his book "Start" and being a part of his Facebook "Start Experiment", though, I feel like I have an insight into him. Start has changed my life. I e-mailed him and told him that, and received a response. But it's not just the book. The book was a paradigm shift, an "aha" moment for me. What has benefited me most has been the encouragement in the shots in the arm from the "Start Experiment" folks. You see, I saw a vague Facebook post from Jon about going on an adventure. I jumped in. Little did I know that my life would be transformed.

 I've always wanted to write music, but was paralyzed by fear. Why? I'm a musician. The competing with others, feelings of inadequacy, and much more held me back. So, with encouragement from folks, I've put myself out there. But, here's the funny part. Along the way, that scope and direction has changed. Through conversations with others, I'm looking at much, much more. Whether that's teaching lessons online, writing an ebook about how to teach piano lessons, putting together videos about choirs, handbells, praise bands, and other things, writing and recording music for podcasts and other needs, all doors are open. And I'm floored. None of these ideas were things that I would have thought of myself, but in conversations with people, they saw these things in me, and encouraged me to consider them.

 So what does all of this look like? Well, a whole lot of work. Which is a great thing. Deep down, I've known that I'm capable, just didn't believe in myself, or feel like I really could. Getting encouragement has been that spark to push me into doing it. Right now, it's dreaming big and figuring out what I can do. I'm working on redesigning my website and figuring out what needs to be on it. I'm figuring out what I can make videos of to teach, utilizing my experiences and knowledge to help others. I'm figuring out how to write an ebook, and put my experience in figuring out how to teach music lessons to better help others.

 This is all crazy, big, and way out there (in my mind), but it has the potential to be an absolutely amazing adventure. Because of Jon Acuff, his book "Start" and the "Start Experiment" on Facebook, my life is changed. And I thank you, Jon Acuff. You may or may not read this, but my life has been changed because of what you've done.

Thank you.

Good.....Better......Best?

 Growing up, my paternal grandmother had a saying that she would regularly share with me, and my parents tormented me by repeating it over and over again. "Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until the good is better and the better is best." Now, I do have admit that this saying is much better than the other one that my parents repeated to me, "Practice makes perfect", but both sayings drove me up the wall.

 Yet now, as an adult, I realize how important this saying is. If we are good at doing something, wonderful. How do we get better at doing it? If we get better at doing it, that's great. But how do we get even better at doing it? It's that ongoing bettering that along the way, I lost sight of.

 I stopped challenging myself to be better.

 I started settling for "good enough".

 I allowed circumstances and expectations of others to define me.


 Over the past few months, I've noticed this change in me. It hasn't been a slight change at all. It's a return to this mindset. How do I take the things that I'm good at, and I do make them better? But to not stop at making them better, how can I make them be the best they can be? This has been a challenging process on many, many, many fronts, but I see progress.

 For the next two Sundays, I am challenging myself to play one major piece on the organ for worship each Sunday that I have never played in public before. This is very scary, and I have already put in lots of work. But, I am learning to not make excuses and put in the work. The past 3 Sundays, I have played music on the organ that I challenged myself to do, and put in the work. I didn't receive much in the way of feedback, and that's fine with me. I noticed the difference. I knew how much work I put in to be the best that I could be. Could I have done better? Probably. But, that's the process of taking the good, making it better, and making it be the best it can be. And I thank God for the reminders to be faithful with the talents that He has given me.

Crazy thoughts...

 I'm pondering some really crazy and big thoughts. No, not anything like what you're thinking. Over the past couple of months, I've taken some pretty crazy and big steps already in putting myself out there as a composer and making my music available for purchase and use. What I had hoped to do initially was to connect with smaller churches, and compose music for their specific needs. That's still my intent, but it's shifting even more.

 I was asked to compose a theme for a weekly video series. I did that, and it premiers Monday! I'm super excited about that. But why couldn't I branch out to that? Another thing that was suggested to me was to make teaching videos for people to purchase and use. Whether that's for a church choir, praise team, handbells, or anything else. That's something that I had been thinking about farther down the road, yet because of the suggestion, it's come to the forefront of my mind.

 But, the question in my mind is simple. Am I trying to do too much? The flip side of that in my mind is, has God given me this diverse knowledge on different subjects and the desire to share about them to be able to do this?

 It seems, as I have been journeying down this road over the past couple of months, doors have opened. Doors that I did not expect to open. Yet, here they are. So, why couldn't these be doors to be opened? Maybe I'm supposed to be doing more with technology and teaching via Skype. Maybe I'm supposed to be writing some ideas about choirs or praise teams, or some combination of them all. I don't know. It's all been this big rush of "what ifs" that keep coming through my head. So, they're big thoughts, and maybe they're impossible. Maybe they're not. I will keep praying, and getting input from others.

Practice makes........

 Over the past month plus, I have spent more time in practice on the organ than I have in many years. You may be asking, "But Craig, you're an organist. Don't you practice?" Not enough. I enjoy playing the organ, and have always enjoyed it, but it really hadn't been my passion for a long time. In my mind, if there were one or two areas that I could focus in on in what I do, it would be contemporary music and handbells. Recently, a few issues came up with my church's praise team, some of it was my doing, some of it wasn't, and because of it, I have chosen to step back in that area. It saddens me that an area that I love, am very passionate about and spent much time and energy learning and developing is now out of my hands.

 In stepping back from this, I realized that I could only control what I could control. The praise team issue was out of my control. What I could control was the groups in front of me, and more specifically, myself as a musician. I have spent more time focused on pouring into others and encouraging them to be better, that I neglected myself. Sure, I did just enough to be passable, but not the best I could be. And most certainly not challenging myself to be better. I did what I do best. I made excuses. "The organ isn't what I want it to be. The congregation accepts and compliments my "good enough". If there isn't an expectation of more, why should I waste my time?"

 I quickly realized in reading Jon Acuff's book "Start" and being a part of his Facebook "Start Experiment" that this was the worst possible thinking. I'm capable of much, much, much more, and the only thing holding myself back is.......yep, you guessed it. Me. So, I've challenged myself, and over the past month already, there's been much improvement in my playing. I'm looking ahead to the next two months of pieces that I have challenged myself to play, and even am strongly considering a Christmas organ concert.

 It's a lesson we all know, whatever field we're in. God has given us talents and abilities. And that only goes so far. What do we do with them? Do we challenge ourselves to build and develop them? Do we practice them? Or are we comfortable with "good enough"? I'm tired of "good enough". I want to be the best I can be. Not because it makes me look special. No matter how much practice I do, I'll still make mistakes. But, God has given me a gift to play music, and I need to be the best steward that I can with it. I haven't in the past, but I have learned those lessons and choose to be better. I choose to be the best that I can be.

Using words

I wrote a devotion for an awesome ministry that my wife, as well as my congregation is a part of here in San Antonio, LINC, and it was based on the story of the ten lepers. We've all heard it many times, but my focus was on the aspect of words. I hope it blesses you.

“When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.” Luke 17:14

            Words have power, don’t they? Three words put together, “I love you” have much meaning coming from a parent to a child, spouse to spouse. Conversely, “I hate you” takes on just as much meaning in a negative sense. There is much power that comes from words spoken out of love, words spoken out of hate and words spoken out of anger.

            Another phrase that has power, whether coming from God, another person we’re in relationship, be it a spouse, child, coworker, parent, or anyone else, we hear, “I forgive you”. We will sin, there’s no denying that. When we realize that we have sinned and caused hurt, we apologize, and whether it comes from God, or another person, those words, “I forgive you” brings healing and restoration.

In today’s Gospel, the parable of the ten lepers, we hear the lepers using words to call out to Jesus. “Jesus, Master, have pity on us” (vs. 13b), they call out. These men were no strangers to hearing words. Whenever people came close to them, they had to call out “unclean, unclean” because of their leprosy. And probably, they heard the insults and taunts from the mouths of others. They knew enough about Jesus and His power to heal.

In the story of the healing, Jesus could have performed a major sign to show His power. He did this in raising the dead, healing others who were sick, feeding over 5,000 and with many other signs. Jesus chooses to not use His physical power through touch or a sign, but He uses words. “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” That was policy, according to the law. To be ceremonially clean, the priests had to declare that they were clean. Whether it was out of faith or desperation, or something else, all ten went to the priests to show themselves.

After all ten are cleansed, nine of them go their own way. But one, a Samaritan, returns to Jesus. He goes to Jesus and praises God. Essentially, he is thanking Jesus for healing Him. Once again, he uses those words of praise, words of thanks to rejoice in his healing. And Jesus tells the man, “Rise and go, your faith has made you well.”

There are many takeaways from this story.  If Jesus specifically says that the Samaritan’s faith has made him clean, what was it about the other nine that led to their cleansing? Was it Jesus’ point to make that in cleansing all, the foreigner, or outsider, responds with thanks and praise? It could be. After the other nine are cleansed, they leave the story. The Samaritan continues and is blessed by Jesus.

What does this story say to us today? God uses little things, things that sometimes seem insignificant to us in our busy, hectic lives, to cause change. Most of the time there is no flash of lightning, no smoke and loud noises. But yet we are changed. How does this happen? Through interactions with others, through hearing God’s forgiveness and also in receiving the forgiveness given to us in Jesus’ body and blood, broken and shed to take away our sins. We receive insights into our relationship with God in our private and corporate worship times, reading His Word, and many, many other ways. Do we always see those things at work? For many of us, the answer to that question is no. We make small changes over time, or we are so busy to really even notice them, yet they are there. For these ten lepers, Scripture tells us that they were healed on their way to see the priests. Something significant changed about them.

For us, even if we notice those changes, do we always acknowledge where those changes came from? “I lost weight”, “I quit smoking”, or “I turned away from drugs” may just be a few things that we say. In those statements, who is making the change? We say that we are. This is impossible, as on our own, we are powerless. God is the giver of life; God is the giver of transformation in our lives. The only way that all ten lepers were healed was that Jesus had to impact their live. In this case, He impacts their life through telling them to go see the priests. In our lives today, it is through our baptism, receiving forgiveness of sins, reading and hearing God’s Word and the exposition of it in our corporate gatherings that God comes to us and changes us.  In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Finally, after acknowledging where the changes and transformation comes from, comes the response. The Samaritan realized through the eyes of faith that Jesus was the one who healed him. He returns and praises God and rejoices. As we acknowledge the transformations in our life, do we always give honor and glory to God? Maybe we are regular church goers, and we are active in the worship life of the church, and we give our offering and maybe we are active in ministry activities of the church. But are we truly, each and every moment of every day, rejoicing in the transformation that God has made in our lives?

John Newton was a slave owner in the 1700’s who had his life radically transformed by God. He is the author of the hymn “Amazing Grace”, a somewhat autobiographical testament to the transforming power of God’s grace.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

We all were wretches who were lost and blind on the journey of life. But through Jesus Christ and His amazing grace, we are found, we see, we are forgiven and restored. We can go out into the world, and show everyone around us the amazing, healing, transformative power of God, rejoicing in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love, as well as showing that to the world.

Lord, we thank You for your forgiveness and healing that You gave to the ten lepers, as well as to us. We ask You to help us to see those changes that You bring about in our lives, transforming and restoring us. Help us to share those changes, restoration and grace to the world around us, making an impact for You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A life-changing day....or at least a step in that direction.

 Today was amazing. If you asked me how I thought the day would go at 3:40, I wouldn't have said it would be too amazing. You see, my 4 year old had thrown up a few times from about 9:50 on, and 3:40 was the last time she threw up....in our bed. So, she slept on the couch, I sat in the recliner, and I thought and prayed about a lot of things.

 Over the past few months, I have made changes in my life. I've lost weight, I've started to change habits of laziness that were ingrained in me for most of my life. But for the last couple of weeks, I've felt frustrated. A lot of it was because of my attitude, but a lot of it is some real struggles and questions I've been wrestling with.

 Since I was 5, I've played the piano. I've always sang, and always loved music. I was probably about 4 when I made up my first song. "Try God". The inspiration came from a pin I had. "Try God, try God, you'll like Him." Yeah. Real deep. But I've messed around with making up my own music, but didn't really have teachers that encouraged me to. Just play the music on the page. When I got to high school, my choir director asked me if I read chords. My response? What are chords? Once I learned how to read chords and play based on the chord symbols, my musical life changed. This new dimension and world opened up to me. But still, I didn't really feel the push or encouragement to compose music. In college I did, but I compared myself to others, and gave up quickly when things got challenging, a habit that I'm working on breaking.

 Fast forward to 3 months ago. I really felt this tug to write more. Why? I don't know. But, I wrote some things that I had in my head, and shared them and got positive feedback! I continued to work more and more, and create things that I'm extremely proud of. I've shared my recent work with others who I respect, and who know the publishing world, and I got some great feedback and encouragement.

 But then comes today. I received 2 challenging and changing Facebook messages. One was from a gentleman who has written handbell solos, but doesn't know how to write piano accompaniments, and asked for my help. The other was from the director of the Philadelphia Bronze Handbell Ensemble. They're a community group in Philadelphia. They're doing music that is based on colors and she was wanting something with red in the title. Umm....WHAT? YOU WANT ME? Wow! Talk about an exciting opportunity! It may be an arrangement of a song (my suggestion is Red, Red Wine by UB40) or my own composition. But it needs to be a level 4-5 (really challenging) piece. Due by January. Can I do it? Absolutely! But there are voices of doubt. There always are. But I am surrounded by this amazing network of encouragers and I know that I will get something together that will be amazing.

 But wait....there's more! Remember my day started at 3:40? Yeah, I haven't. I'm still feeling it. In the past, when I didn't get a good night's sleep, or was pretty worn out, I would be extremely unproductive. In changing habits, I worked my tail off today picking up, cleaning up, doing laundry, doing dishes. I'm not saying this to toot my horn. It's something that I wouldn't have done in the past, but in trying to change my mindset and thanks to being challenged by my awesome coach Liz Clark, I want to be awesome in every way I can, not just average. An average Craig would have just rested, done nothing. But an awesome Craig did a whole lot around the house, put his family first, and is ready to go to bed!! :-)

 Today has been a great day. It may not be exactly A life-changing day, but it's a step in that direction. And every day that goes another step in being the best husband, father, friend, musician, servant, leader that I can be, that's life-changing. Every day that I eat the right things and exercise, that's turning around all of those years of self-centered neglect of my body. I'm on my way to awesome. Do you want to join?