I get it!!!

This post is somewhat of an addendum to my previous post. I have had some events happen that have turned my brain upside down, things that I know I need to do, but haven't.

Tonight, I had the opportunity to watch amazing and talented friends of mine play some unbelievable music. They are extraordinarily talented, yet, they have worked their tails off to better that talent. A case in point. Back when I first met my friend, Ryan Proudfoot, who sang tonight, it was October of 2012. Ryan and his producer, my other friend, Matt Adler, were working on this amazing song, which ended up being "Treasure" the first song on the album. It blew me away, and I couldn't get it out of my head. But that was October. The album released in June. Between those two points, they worked and worked and worked, and crafted the songs, so they were the best they could be.

 What does that have to do with me? Everything. One thing is holding me back. It's not lack of talent. It's not lack of resources.

What is holding me back is me.

That's hard to see in actual type. But it's true. I was reminded by my pastor in a conversation this week, as I was sharing how it is a great joy to be able to encourage people and see them be successful, he said, "yes, but you also have the opportunity to model for people". And it's been clicking ever since. I've put much more of a focus on encouraging people, and not making the time for myself, to challenge myself, to push myself to be better. I've only settled for "good enough". I've made excuses, justified, but in the end, I've neglected my abilities. But here's the thing. I have two daughters, and one, my 4 year old, Ella, loves music. I have a piano sitting in my living room. It was my grandparents. I don't play it like I should. I have a bass I am borrowing from a friend so I can learn to play. Have I touched it? No. A couple of years ago, I spent a couple of hundred dollars on a trumpet. Do I play it? Once in a while. I've not challenged myself to model for my daughters the love of music I have. Which leads me to a greater and deeper question. Do I love music? My gut answer is "of course". But does that joy permeate me, so that it is evident and it is my passion and focus? Or is it just something else I do? That's another post.

 As I was thinking about all of this, I'm going to Baylor next week for their annual Alleluia conference. The thought went through my head, "why start thinking about this when I can't actually can't do anything about it the next week?" But I can. I can use that time to be encouraged, make a plan and a schedule. I was challenged by what Jimmy Needham said at the concert tonight. "We get caught up in the law, the things we should do and don't do". I can't change the lack of attention I've placed in my life that has happened in the past. I can change the present and the future. And that's what I am trying to figure out what to do.