I did it!!!!

One of the books I have read recently that has changed my life, and really brought a paradigm shift, or more of a focus to my life is "Start" by Jon Acuff. In the book, he talks about "punching fear in the face". I am a "professional" musician and as a musician, there are many fears and voices that pop up in our heads. "You didn't practice enough." "That's not good enough." "Why are you even trying to do THAT?" "Who do you think you are?" And I could keep going with my inner monologue. It's pretty brutal. Some of it based in reality that I can control, some of it based in some fantasy world where someone, somewhere, may or may not be offended by my existence, my musical choices, my musical aptitude, and so on. While I have only come across one person recently that has criticized pretty much everything I say and do, that's it. It's not this mob out with pitchforks and torches. But yet, that monologue exists inside of me.

As a musician, I have had the desire to compose. I remember composing a couple of songs specifically for my church Praise Team, and in a discussion with one member about it, the comment was made, "we just didn't really like it." So I stopped writing for them. I heard that one comment and quit! It may have been a good song, it may have been awful. With a bit more massaging, or time, or more practice on my part, it could have been better. But I quit. Those negative voices echoed through my head. But, I've been writing for handbells, a bit for choirs, once in a while for organ, and some worship songs. I've shared the handbell compositions, the organ compositions, and the choral compositions, but not the worship songs, based on that one comment. Reading Jon's book, I knew what I needed to do.

 This coming Sunday, my friend Brandon is having a concert releasing an EP he recorded. He asked me to play keyboard with him, and I decided I would do 3 songs as an opener for him. I picked 3 songs that I've written and I am going to sing them. But I did more than that. I recorded the 3 songs on my Ipad, and uploaded them to Noisetrade.com. Check them out at www.noisetrade.com/craigharmann. In the 14 hours it has been up, there has been a grand total one 1 download. 1 download, not from friends or family, but a guy in the UK, and he even asked me about the words to the songs! That's really cool! But, had I not put myself out there, it wouldn't have happened. Are these songs better than Chris Tomlin's? More than likely not. Will they get me fame and fortune? More than likely not. But, will they give me opportunity for feedback and the opportunity to better myself in writing songs, and push me to do more? Absolutely. Has it helped me punch fear in the face and to quiet those inner voices telling me I can't do it and that I'm incompetent and am not good enough? Without a doubt!