The past 2 months have been challenging for me to figure out my work/life/family balance. With my daughter, Emily, born November 21st, in the midst of preparing and going through the Christmas season, a busy season for any church musician with or without a family, it was a challenge! I comforted myself by remembering that it was only 3 weeks of chaos and then I'd get family time. And the past week and a half have a blessing. Spending time with my girls has refreshed me.
But now comes the part that I'm torn about. I'm leaving to go to a conference in Dallas for a couple of days. I am very excited about going to learn, see new resources, meet new people, but I'm not too excited to leave my girls. I know everything will be fine, and I am thankful that I get to go and have some quiet time for myself to meditate, pray and look ahead to 2012. I need that, I know it. But there is that tinge of guilt that I'm feeling.
You see, my dad is a pastor. Has been for 50 years. He's very gifted at what he does, and I am thankful that he answered God's call to serve in this way. But, for most of my life, it felt to me that the church was a higher priority than his family. Knowing this challenge, as I chose to go into churchwork, I knew that when the time came for a family, they would be my priority. However, as I've learned, that's easier said than done. I am blessed with an extremely understanding and patient wife, because she gets it, but when you're told by a 2 and a half year old, "NO! You CAN'T go!" when you have to leave for church in the morning, that hurts. I know she doesn't completely understand the fact that for us to have a roof over our heads, food on our table, and all that we have, I have to work.
One of my "resolutions" for 2012 is to figure out how to make more time for my family. I can't cut short rehearsals or my preparation time for them or anything like that, but I've come up with a few thoughts. The first is that I am going to attempt to keep my Fridays (my day off) as sacred. No internet, no phone. It's the day for my family. Everything else can wait. The second day I am going to try to protect is Saturday. This way, if we want to make the 3 hour drive to see my parents, and be gone Friday and Saturday, I can do that. The third thought is that when I'm home, I need to put the computer and the phone away and while the girls are awake, I give them my complete attention. After they go to sleep, and after I've spent time with Heather, if work needs to be done, only then will it be done.
I don't know anyone who serves in churchwork who doesn't struggle with balancing their time. I'm open to suggestions if anyone would like to share!
2 comments:
My brother (he's a DCE and has 2 year old twin girls) struggles with the same thing. Unfortunately he is facing giving up his work in ministry. I think dedicating a day or two specifically to your family is a good way to show them that they are important to you. Since Ella is so young yet, it will be difficult for her to understand that Daddy has to work especially since Mommy gets to be home with her all day long, but she'll learn. It's one of those life lessons that breaks our hearts, but really there is no way around. Good luck.
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